Your Touch ~~ THREE MORE DAYS!!!!

Three days and an airplane ride and I’ll be in your arms again. The thoughts are becoming unbearable. As I read, I’m unable to do anything but think of the first time you touched me.

As I seen you in the terminal, you were a dream come true and you were more then I’d ever imagined in a man that I’d ever meet. You’d taken the time to learn who I was and what I enjoyed, you took the time to do what you needed to be there and make sure that you showed interest in all of my life in such a short amount of time that when I saw you that day, I was blown away by the man that stood before me. I don’t remember walking up to you, I remember hugging you and the embrace was absolutely unforgettable, then when you kissed me, it was the most magical feeling I’d ever felt, only to have that feeling followed the entire time we were at the airport. 

When you threw me up against the wall at the terminal, that night, my heart leaped into a different dimension and I’m not sure it’s returned. 

The feelings of you throwing me over your shoulder when we walked into the grocery store, was a surprising feeling that allowed me to be a child all over again, knowing that we’d have nothing but a great time in front of us. 

As you looked at me, with your beautiful blue eyes and that smile, I melted. To this day, I melt. You don’t even need to touch me to melt me in my chair.

As you wrapped your arms around me that night, it was a feeling unknown to me and yet so comfortable. All I wanted to do was stay in those arms and have your hands all over me, every minute for the rest of my life. The night went on and there was nothing that I’d have had changed, for the feelings that I felt that night were beyond exquisite, they were priceless and created all through a magic, only you and I know. When we sleep together and you wrap your arms around me, or I around you, it’s absolutely priceless and time stops. The only thing I want to do is, lie there with you, forever. If time stopped with me next to you, it would be too soon.

The days that we spent visiting different areas, still come back to me like they were yesterday. The environments were replaceable, yet it was the feelings where you touch me. When you’d hold my hand or put your hand on my leg, those moments have been so missed and yearned for over multiple years. As you touch me, my body feels it throughout its entirety and I want nothing more than you to put your arms around me and never let me go. 

I’m not sure I’ve told you, but when we were visiting one of your favorite restaurants on my last visit, you were sharing something and I found myself lost. Lost in your eyes and the simple fact that you were sitting there, sharing about your world, to me…no one else… and you were all mine. I was lost in the fact that those moments were real and that in that single moment, I was in a heaven I’d not felt before. I was somewhere I’d never been and it wasn’t that it wasn’t real, it was that you were everything I’d ever hoped for and more and you were right in front of me, wanting nothing but me and to show me your world. I was lost in the fact that for the first time in my life, someone was willing to do whatever it took to show me that I was his and he wanted to be mine.

I find myself day dreaming, while standing in my kitchen, laying on my couch looking at the sky, laying in my bed at night or just plain ole staring off into space, the feelings of your touch. Yearning for you to walk up to me and grab me, hold me and tell me that you are there and not going anywhere. I reminisce the times we’ve been together and relive those moments, only to look forward to the next time we are together to create more memories. Every night, I hold my teddy bear, thinking of what it felt like when you held me while I started to fall asleep and knowing that the moments were priceless. I reminisce of when we’re riding up to the mountains and you had your hand on my leg, where it looked right and felt as though it was meant to be right there. I reminisce of when you were in the terminal on my last visit and you see me in the dress that I decided to wear and your eyes wanted nothing more than to take me right there, with the result of you taking me into your arms and not getting enough of me at that moment and the others that were soon to follow.

Three more days and an airplane ride and we will be able to create magic all over again, this time I know that when you finally leave my side, it will be more difficult and that I will yearn such as this again. Though I also know that the gods didn’t do this to us to leave us here, in this moment, alone. I know that someday, these moments will pass and that we will work through this ‘long distance’ portion and create something much more.

Mr. B, the magic that we have is real, passionate and extremely desirable to each of us that even though there’s mountains included, we’ll move them to continue this epic adventure. Not only for us, but for those that don’t believe that this type of relationship is possible any longer.
Thank you for showing up in my life and thank you for the patience you’ve shown, with my defects and the rest of my crazy cancer personality shows. Thank you for believing and for not giving up on what we both yearn, yet won’t admit. Thank you for being the man I’ve always dreamed of and for waiting for me all the while working on you.

Here’s to more memories…. Pictures….. and stories to share with those that would like to know what it is like to fall hard all over again, even before life begins at 40.