Create Ripples

As I sat there today, she looked at me with awe and wonder as I shared my story to her. She smiled and said that she couldn’t wait for me to tell her more as she listened in silence. She shared with me that no matter what I think, I’m making a difference. She shared with me that it’s not our place to sit in pity but to know others and to meet more souls. She shared with me that life has a different perspective today, for she’s survived cancer three times now. She shared with me how her perspective changed over each time and each time she grew stronger, not physically, but spiritually and mentally. She shared with me it’s not about anything other than the people that she chooses to surround herself with.

As I sat there today, I looked into her teary eyes and knew that she felt lost. I see the pain and desperation to change her thinking and a desire to get out of the sadness, the cold and pain that surrounded her, I seen a little girl that only wanted to know it was going to be OK. She was 48 and she was sharing how she felt lost, tired and alone in this transition from cancer to recession. She shared with me how she never did anything by herself, but knew she needed to be in this program. She knew that she belonged here. I shared with her my story, we laughed and smiled and shared with her what I’ve learned and tried to comfort her with my wisdom and knowledge, knowing full well it’s going to take her time to believe me. Yet, also realizing that no matter happens tomorrow, she showed up today.

Those were two examples of cancer survivors that I sat with today.

Those are two stories of two miracles that I was able and honored to spend time with today.

Those are the stories and souls that keep me moving through to my next venture and that my dreams are not that far off, for what I know I’m supposed to do in this world is not to fix you, not to change

you but to help you realize that you are worth it!! My passion and dream is to prove to you that anything is possible, no matter what you face, that this too shall pass and that this is all temporary. My dreams are to help you realize that we only have this moment and that this moment is what we need to embrace. My dreams are to share with the world my hardships, trials and tribulations and show you that no matter what happens or occurs in life, YOU ARE WORTH IT. You are worth everything you dream and hope for. My dream is for you to realize that loving yourself is the best thing in this world and that by doing so you will be able to love everyone around you and then some!!

I sit with people on a daily basis now, not with a big paycheck in my account, not with material items around me, not with a nice window office, not with a limo or nice car, not with new clothes or even all my bills paid, but I’m full of life and I’m also able to say that what I’m doing today is completely priceless. These souls that I sit with each day need another soul and I’m honored and privileged to have been chosen to be the one that begins that process for so many of them. By allowing others to live and help them choose a healthier path, my heart grows, my spirit is full and my soul is at peace. I know that by doing what I’m doing, God has chosen a much brighter path for me and I’m able to know, deep inside, that no matter what happens tomorrow, everything will be OK.

By keeping life simple, spreading love, sharing my experience, strength and hope, my world continues to open up opportunities and rays of sunshine that I wasn’t able to feel or see previously. By allowing my spirit to be driven by my higher power, my life is much calmer, happier and at peace, for today, I’m making a difference. 

*You can’t keep what you have if you don’t give it away*

By showing others that there's a different way to live, you give hope. Sometimes quickly, Sometimes slowly. Just don't give up, for it's not your time you are on.

Yesterday is gone, Tomorrow is not promised and Today is a Gift. 

The Dash

​I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth
and spoke the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real
and always try to understand
​the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before. 

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

​So, when your eulogy is being read,
with your life’s actions to rehash…
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash?

Needs verses Wants

She asked me: “Do you have everything you need to live comfortably?”
I responded: “So, you mean, things like milk, eggs and toilet paper, right?”

It’s become more and more evident to me that the needs in life much more exceed the wants, actually the weight of them are much heavier than the wants. Yet, when we have such a life set up as to where we have a lot of the wants and take for granted the needs, we seem to get lost in what we really need verses what we really want. 

Though as the holidays are moving through this year, it’s not all about the wants for the children and me, it’s more about the needs. It’s more about wiping the tears and about holding each other and letting each other know that no matter what we are here for one another. It’s not about what will be under the tree, yet more about what will be in our tummies and on our backs for the holiday upcoming for us. The children wish to be near to me and my family for they know that the years past we’ve lost a lot and it’s not only the jobs or the lack of funds, but it’s more of the love that has moved through our hands and into the universe. It’s the love that we are missing and the hugs that we need to make it through another day.

When one is faced with  hardships, they don’t really sit and think of how to make the ‘wants’ appear, for they are more concerned about the ‘needs’ and how to make sure that they are met. They are not worried about what others think or the pressures that are profound for the other sources in the world. They are more focused on what is in front of them and how they will fulfill the voids that are there, yet to make sure it’s all done in a simple but kind way.

To live in a healthy mannerism when there’s hardships in front of you, it’s a very difficult task to keep your focus on becoming a better person and to keep the heart in the right place. Yet, by listening to the good verses the evils, the world becomes a brighter place. By surrendering to another day and to another obstacle, one becomes stronger and sees more of the light then when they struggle through the situations.

When one stays open minded and willing to try something new in this world, the doors continue to open up an the opportunities continue to flow through to the souls and spirits. When one continues to stay honest, the heavens open up and they drop down nothing but greatness.

Today I had many experiences and one of them was actually a memory of a drive that my ex-husband and I made many times together and what has occurred since those drives. The time that has passed and the pain and healing that has occurred since that time. The reality of life hitting hard at times and then the passing of pain as this journey moves forward. The comfort of knowing that that was a memory and at one time that was not anything that was ‘wanted’ but yet it was something that was needed, it feels relieving that time has healed those wounds. It’s comforting knowing that through all the trials and tribulations that the faith that has been created to know that this too shall pass has only strengthened from when my life started. It’s comforting to know that no matter what happens, there will always be memories, not all tied to good and not all tied to bad feelings, but something to always know where I came from and how I treated the situations. It’s comforting knowing that through it all I’ve grown and realized what a ‘want’ is and what a ‘need’ is. For today, I don’t need to allow my emotions run my life and that the things that are needed are able to outweigh the wants. Which in turn, mainly turns into love more than items and through those feelings and actions of love are so much stronger than any want will ever be able to fill.

I’m not going to lie or try to cover up the fact that I’m missing a few people in my life today and I’m missing having the security of a full time job, or even that I’m missing knowing that tomorrow will be something wonderful…though I’m going to share with you that I honestly believe that no matter what God will not let me down and that no matter what it will all be OK.
For nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. There’s a reason for everything. 

Only in the darkness can you see the STARS ( MLK )

There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we say that it really worked in others, and we had to come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God’s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.

For you see, the life that I live isn’t one that’s easy. It’s one that takes courage to live, to continue on, to move through day by day, to agree to move through each moment and to know that no matter what, everything WILL be OK. It’s not a life that I signed up for, it’s a life that I was given and that’s a gift that not many are able to say they were handed. Not many are able to say that they have had the experiences, adventures, losses, gains, successes, failures, love, hate and all that’s in between all of those included in their lives prior to being 40 years old. Not many are able to say that they’ve hit bottom, twice, and then completely turning their life around 180 degrees and making a new life for themselves. Not many are able to stand there and tell you that they are human, they mess up and they will make more mistakes, yet continue to get back up and be who they know they are meant to be. Not many will tell you that they have lived this life long enough to know that to live without regret is the ONLY way to live. Not many will tell you that they follow their own hearts to the end of the world and back again. Not many will tell you that they drained their entire life savings to try something only they believed in. Not many will tell you that tomorrow is not a promise, yesterday is gone and today is the actual GIFT.

I’ve been given a gift, a gift to live life differently through the grace of my higher power and a program that extremely simple yet, we as humans, complicate the hell outta it. I’ve been given a clear mind to see that I have a choice, a choice to continue through this wonderful dimension or to sit still and stay in misery. I’ve been given a new day to make a difference. I’ve been blessed, beyond doubt, with a chance to help others change their lives, all alone by spreading HOPE while living the life I’ve been handed. I’ve been honored to be able to share my experience, strength and hope with the world so that they are able to know that they are not alone and through whatever it is that they are dealing with, there’s always something better coming.

In 1996, I read the above two paragraphs at my 1 year celebration of recovery. I was 19 years old and I was starting my life over, with a fellowship, no family and completely lost to the world ahead. I was beginning a way of live I’d never been introduced to until I was 18 years old. I was going to make something of myself and I was going to break old messages and traditions that created the world I was leaving behind. It’s now 2014 and I’m 38 years old and I’ve done all of the above and then some. Yet, now I am not doing it all for me anymore, now I do it for two beautiful angels I’ve been blessed with. 

The road has been less than easy this far, actually, it’s been one hell of a ride and honestly, I’d not wish the road I’ve traveled upon anyone. For everything that has occurred has created a woman that is strong, courageous, fearless, selfless and will bend over backwards for those she loves all the while taking care of herself, she is a woman that is wonderful mother who  believes in showing her children not to rely upon others to live, yet to ask for help and who believes that by showing them how to live without regret all the while  pushing herself to the ultimate limits all the while without chemicals in her system, creates a world unknown to many but imaginable to most.

While we are closing out yet another year, the lessons came hard and the teachers weren’t the nicest to myself, yet the knowledge taken forth is priceless. The year will end and the next shall follow with only more chapters and more to learn. All the while, there’s so many people to help and so many to touch with  the way we choose to live life, yet the ones that matter most are the ones that are right next to you. Those, those are the ones that need you 100% of the time. Those are the ones that you need to focus on. The rest of them will follow and you will  be able to show them that by loving yourself,  your neighbor and the ones that love you, the way of the world is able to change.



“Faith in the first step is all we need, for the rest of the staircase doesn’t matter without the first step” 

Calm the enemy within and the Enemy without doesn't stand a chance

When you read my stories and adventures you need to always remember, these are mine. They may or may not be ‘right’ yet they are what have happened in my life and they all happened for a reason. Whether I liked them or not, that’s not the reason I share them with you. I share them with you so that you realize that people, at any stage in their lives, are people. We are all human and we all experience life. It’s what we do with those experiences that matter most.

I've been blessed with SO Many wonderful  experiences this year !!!!! 

Today I reflect back on all that has occurred in my past year. Instead of looking at all the negatives I want to lean in on the positives, yet if it were not from the negatives, I’d not be able to have the positives.

My year started off, well knowing that my career with the company that I was at for almost 17 yrs, was going to be ending soon, yet I continued through the training for a figure competition that I had signed up for. The training was intense, required determination, time and attention, yet it was the best thing that I could have ever done for myself. For it pushed me to limits I’d never imagined that I had inside. It helped me to know that I’m able to face unknown fears with the utmost integrity and that no matter how difficult life seems, there’s ALWAYS a brighter side!!! 

In March, I was laid off and given a huge wakeup call along with all the emotions that go hand in hand with losing a job. Grief was a process well known to myself, yet still so foreign.

In May, I competed as a figure competitor and challenged every inch of my soul on a stage with many other beautiful women, while being judge and completely vulnerable in front of not only myself, but my entire family.

The beginning of June, I took another wild adventure and signed up with a well-known photographer and went a step farther with my growing business and created some amazing photos. Which, was another stretch for me as I’ve always had to work on thinking I was ‘beautiful’ yet after I shot that photo shoot I gained even more confidence than the competition and the rest of life had created for me.

In June, I was able to enjoy a WONDERFUL vacation with my children and my sister’s family in

Portland Oregon. For the first time in many years, I was able to connect with my baby sister and how comforting it felt to have that connection.

In July, there were more local photo shoots as well as some video footage that was captured, to continue on with what I’d created through the training and work for the competition. During this

month I also began a relationship with a man who I’ll never forget, for he only showed me that love is still possible and adventure is allowed to go with that.

In August, I was gifted and blessed to join a team where we traveled to Chicago to train and work with not only the Mayo Clinic but also the phenomenal program, LiveSTRONG, and begin to integrate it into the local YMCA.

I was also honored and privileged to travel to NYC to experience a Red Carpet event and meet the entire team that works on The Platform Magazine!! It was an EPIC adventure and I’ll never forget it, as well as only hope for more Red Carpet Events. From NYC, I traveled to Colorado for more adventures and to see more of the exceptional views of God’s land.

 There were actually many trips to Colorado between August and November, to share not only with my spirit and soul but also with my children. We we’re all very blessed to have been given the opportunities to see so many wonderful designs from God.

In September, I was honored to be requested as a judge for the Fit and Fabulous Mom’s Contest in Boca Raton, Florida. This was an amazing event for it shared with me that no matter what your venue in life is, you are able to achieve the impossible. It was exciting to see all the beautiful women get on stage and show off all the work that they put into changing their lives and becoming more.

In November, I had to face a ‘break up’ and it wasn’t the easiest ordeal to overcome,  nor will I ever feel as though there was complete closure, yet, what doesn’t break you makes you stronger and this I KNOW is true.

In December, I’ve been blessed to end my year with a conference to complete the training for the LiveSTRONG program and to begin the plans for a solid initiation into the local YMCA. We traveled to St. Louis MO and had a fabulous time enjoying yet, my last trip for the year.

So you see – there were many upsets in my world this year, yet through them all, I’ve grown and realized that I need to rely on Faith and continue to work on myself and my spirituality. For Its within that matters most, for the enemy will not harm you when the enemy within is calmed.

To all who touched my heart this year, I’ll be forever grateful, for if it wasn’t for you coming into my world, I’d  not be who I am today nor would I have the experience I have had which would never have led to my wisdom and knowledge to move on with this journey here on earth.