A letter to the Fire Fighter that implanted on my heart

Dear Mr. B, 

While I'll never know if you'll ever read this nor do I need to know that, I need to write this and share this with the universe so that you realize how much you helped me in my life. This blog is dedicated to you, for you are a huge part of who I'll allow in my life now and I'll be eternally grateful to you for that. I sometimes wonder if that's because you were built to be a 'hero' and by finding that out about yourself, you are able to impact all those that you come into contact with. 

Lately, I've had many memories of our times together. It's been pretty intense lately and maybe it's because I have alot going on and I need an escape or maybe it's because I need to remember how amazing it was when we were together to keep some HOPE in my world, so that I'm able to know in my heart that I'll find that again. Eitherway, it is what it is and it is that. 

There was a time that you shared with me how much you loved reading my writings and how I should continue to write, no matter what. That time that you shared that with me, I'm not highly convinced that I believed you 100%, for I figured you only saying to flatter me. Than you'd repeat that... It wasn't until recently that more people have shared that exact same thing with me again and it helps me to reiterate how important you were in my life at that time and how much you helped me to believe in myself and something that I enjoy doing.

As I shared earlier in another blog, what it was like to 'like' someone at the age of 39, I realized something else that you taught me. I'm a VERY intense individual and I share to the rawest form to many and that's who I am and how I'm wired. I'll need someone to embrace that about me and be able to share those attributes with me, like you did. You helped me to 'grow' verses pushing me into a shell. You allowed me to 'blossom' and you didn't push me onto another route. You embraced that part of me and you add fuel to it, verses putting it out. That's something that I'll need from the next man that enters my life and if they don't embrace that part of me, it won't work out between us.

You always shared your romantic side, yet you always made sure that I felt 'comfortable' in EVERY situation that we were in. You NEVER allowed me to be if I you didn't know that I was OK. Every moment that we spent together, I was never shown that I wasn't your priority. You ALWAYS made sure I was alright with what was occurring, within reason. You helped me to realize that it's possible to have that in my life, every day and that it's not a fairy tale, it's real.

There was never a moment that I didn't feel connected to you, when we were in our relationship, even though we lived miles away from one another. You always helped me to try new things and strengthen that connection. There wasn't a time where I never felt as though you didn't want nothing more than for me to be right there next to you. Thank you for that, for it helped me to realize that no matter what the other person has going on in their lives, they always have time to help those they love know that they are wanted.

I could go on and on and on ... yet, instead, just know that you helped this woman know that fairy tales do come true, not that they all have the best ending, they are out there. I'm grateful that you allowed me to be a part of your life for the time being that I was there and I'll always be grateful to you for showing me that them men like you do exist AND they are attainable.

I do honestly hope that you continue to stay happy and do what you need to do to make that happen, for Mr. B., you deserve nothing less than the world and back again.


#TBT : Falling in love doesn't happen every day

We Pocket Our PRIDE

Through each different scenario that I need to adhere strength and apply it with all my might, I don't question it at that moment, I just make sure that I'm holding onto my faith, loving myself and those around me and make the 'right' decision that is needed in the next moment. It's never an easy task, nor do I wish these experiences upon anyone else in this world, yet, I'm well aware that each of us have these and that we all need to deal with them as they arrive. 

Years back I was given a beautiful gift named recovery. Through the times that I've had to face my most weakest spots, I've not been able to numb the pain or feelings. As they note in one of the books: 

"We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe." ( Into Action ~ Big Book )

For you see, living life today for me is to be a spiritual being who is able to create a vision of HOPE to all that exist in this world. In order for me to accomplish that, I need to be fearless and to face the entire experience that's in front of me with the utmost courage and tolerance, all the while loving myself through the entirety of the situation. When I lose track of those simple applications, I lose myself and when I lose myself, people get hurt. 

After thinking it through today, I've moved alot in my life, not always due to my own circumstances, nor of my own wishes, however, each time that I move the children and I, I don't dread the move. Instead I embrace it. As though, it's a new beginning, in a new environment, something that we've never experienced. It's as though, we are given another chance to make something for ourselves, where we hadn't had the opportunity prior. For through the pain, we grow and become more. There's so much to be said about starting over. There's so much to be said about letting go of where you are and starting over, with all that you have inside and beginning something new, while taking risks and not knowing the end outcome.

When you allow yourself to take the risk of beginning a new chapter, you have choices to either sit in the negative or you are able to embrace the experience itself and take from it what you know as well as learn so much more within yourself. From those lessons, one is able to help so many people!! As well as teach others how to live differently.

While I've never realized how strong I am, until it's usually pointed out to me, I do know this :

I'm a courageous, confident woman that has a force behind her that will never allow me to fall to the depths of never getting back up again. I'm a strong woman that believes in the universe and will also rely on the spirits to help her get back up again. I'm a woman that knows that through all the trials and tribulations, she's become the woman that she is today and that there's only so much more growth to endure to become that much more of a woman, who will, in fact, one day share her entire spirit with the world and let more than those of you reading this, that the IMPOSSIBLE is POSSIBLE and that by continuing to GET BACK UP, you create more strength inside yourself. When you achieve the impossible, you in turn, create a stronger connect within that no one, not ONE PERSON, can break other than yourself. YOU are who YOU are because of what you've been through and by choosing to continue on, by allowing change and growth to continue in your world, you are who you are and YOU ARE AMAZING, beautiful and a phenomenal mirrored image of your insides.

Embrace the experiences, for it's through each and every one of them that are helping you to become who you choose to be and who you choose to allow the world to know. Show up for the fight, even if you are hit down and have absolutely nothing left to help yourself back up, do it for the inner you that deserves to LIVE this journey called LIFE!!!!

** Thank you to all of you who've given me HOPE, LOVE and SUPPORT through this entire journey, for without all of you, I'd NEVER be who I am today!!! 

Know your WORTH

The day was an incredible one all in all.

There's no other way to describe it.

It's absolutely amazing to know that not only are worthy of good, others believe the exact same and see what you see in yourself and respect your worth.

Today I knew that I was going to meet a couple that owned a business, who were interested in employing me, yet what happened after I met them was beyond what I had imagined.

We met at their new shop and they shared with me what was to occur and where the 'office' was going and what they had envisioned, as to where I would be working. They shared about how the shop was to evolve and what was going to happen in the near future.

They went on to share with me about their pasts, how he was a body builder and how he earned MR. Minnesota Natural, showed me his trophies and they shared what it was like during those times. They also shared with me their exercise regimen and what they'd like to do and so on and so forth. They shared with me about the crew, the business itself and then they went on to share what they'd like from me as an employee. Than they listened to my past experience and what I had learned over the years and the excitement just grew from there. It become more and more evident that I was to be with them as they grow and become larger as a business. The excitement grew between the three of us and we continued on to speak of the near future and what they were looking for as far as hours and how it all fit so perfectly where I am in my life today. They also shared how I could help in other areas that they didn't know if I'd be able to do so until we started sharing. I'm to contact them on required salary and hours, as the beginning date has now been set.

When I walked away, I knew that God had another piece in this. It was a blessing that came to me when I knew that I had the opportunity to better myself and that all the while doing so, I could also endure in happiness and that I didn't have to live miserably while caring for my children. I knew in that moment that God had started working on his phenomenal plan set up for me and my next chapter of my life.

Than, as I ran another errand, there was my new landlord, to share with me that the move in date was now bumped up to the first of the month and handed me all the numbers to call and get all the utilities set up in my name. He continued to be nothing but fun, bubbly and some what of a child like minded man knowing that he was helping out someone that needed nothing more than a break from life. He continued to share that life is to serious so why always act that way, we have to enjoy the time we have here on this earth.

As I went back to work, I had to start sharing and there was a lady in the council of the 'Deli' area that listened and confirmed that no matter what it's going to all work out, with everything moving forward. I'm blessed to have my own council in the Deli arena of our work environment.

 A while later, my boss came to me to ask of a rumor about myself looking for another job and I'm not good when I'm called out like that, so I was honest and told him what was brewing. I also shared with him that I would give him all the deets as soon as I have them so that he can do with them as he chose to do so. Honestly, it was scary and hard, for I hate leaving people that have done me so much good and leaving them in a tough spot, yet I know that I need to do what's best for me and the children.

He than approved overtime for me to get in all that I needed from here and out. To help with the money portion of life as well as just keeping things afloat.

Than I chose to get my workout in and head over to a meeting, yet I wanted nothing more than to share my good news with those that care about me. It was tearing at me to share this great news, so I called my children, while they are on vacation until Sunday. They listened, but didn't understand how profound this opportunity is!!!

Upon returning home, I asked for someone to listen to my great news and was connected with an old soul that was there many years back and has returned recently on my journey. We shared for hours and hours, which I didn't realize what an impact I have on others, until this conversation on top of a few others I've had recently.

The way we live our lives are incredible and impact so many people, yet until we look at ourselves and take some honest inventories, we are not able to see the way we send out ripples and waves and how we touch others. My dreams have always been nothing shy of helping others around the world in a loving, kind and caring way through all my experience, strength and hope. I'm finally realizing that my worth is extremely expensive and priceless and that with each time I share, I'm helping someone somewhere and allowing myself to be of service to the greater good.

I'm extremely blessed to have all that I have and am surrounded by all the loving and caring individuals in this world. Thank you to all of you that continue to follow me and even those of you that do not like me or find hatred when hearing my name, for you fuel my fire and give me reasons to continue to do nothing but good in this world all the while continuing to be human.

#MommaLori #MakesItHappen through #faith -->> #OnwardToEpic

When following the signs and keeping the FAITH

The old saying goes:
"Don't quit before the Miracle happens" and it still stands very true for this woman!! Here's a story of why......






As I had placed the children and I into temporary housing, all the while looking continuously for where we'd go after having an eviction on my record from the previous long standing home that the children and I had in an apartment, I had NO IDEA how I was going to get us into a permanent residence and in the town that they yearned to live in. I had a full time position with low pay, yet it was enough to keep us afloat until I made better plans. Which is what I did, in the MEAN time. ( An old sponsor of mine used to tell me: It's ALL Mean time )

I had connected to all of those that I felt were spiritual in nature and had been where I had been, as well as connecting to all the local businesses and letting everyone in my path know exactly what I was going through and asking for the help needed. I wasn't going to give up until I found what we needed to move forward and the first thing on that list was a permanent place to live for the next few years as I build back up my life.


There was a storage unit that I was renting from a local business man. When I signed the contract I told him of my entire situation and that if he had heard of anything to let me know or what not, while sharing with him my entire situation. What I didn't know or realize was that others were also looking out for the children and I!! He was asked by the owner of the business that I worked fulltime for to find us a place to live. So, that's just what he did....

As they called me up to the front, they explained to me that I was being asked for by a man that I had rented a storage unit from, what he had to share with me was not what I was expecting!!! It actually blew me off my socks and brought tears to my eyes when I got back to my office space.

He came in to share with me that he had his largest rental open and that if I wanted it, to come and check it out. That evening worked out for us and we decided to take the opportunity!! Of course, we have to make more changes, leaving our cats out of the equation now, but we would now have not only our own place to live, we would also have a front and back door with a HUGE back yard to play in!!! It's a blessing, a blasted blessing ... but it doesn't end there !!



A week after sharing that we were going to be moving into a 3/4 bdrm home, we were gifted with all the furnishing needed, as you see we had not much left after having moved two times in less than 3 months. We had downsized even more and was only left with the bare essentials. We had calls left and right with people trying to help us out. The largest gift thus far was an entire home full of furnishings that were offered up to us. Not only did we end up with a fully furnished home, we also ended up with some extra added bonuses, such as a hutch for Momma!!

Than as things began to get closer to the move in date, we were continued with blessings upon blessings.... all the times in my life, I've had to either rent a truck, beg people to bring their trucks or do it on my own...but not this time. We were blessed with the owners truck to move everything!!! People continued to sign up to help us move...

It's absolutely phenomenal to me how God works.

I've given up all control and I'm not worrying about the next step. I honestly do not know what's all next in my life, I have some goals, some plans and some things in line, but the rest, I have absolutely NO IDEA!!!! NONE!!! And I'm OK with that. Why ?? Well, because God's got me.

As long as I continue to take that first step, the rest of the staircase is none of my business!! NONE!!! Here we go ... #OnwardToEPIC with #MommaLori who #MakesItHappen

#KeepTheFaith and #NEVERGIVEUP

“For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me….” Matthew 25:35

Risk or Regret ?

Earlier today I sent the post about what it's like to like someone at 39 and I was respectively turned down by that exact individual. I kindly responded with a polite gesture and thanked him for being openminded and not quickly to judge, yet standing his ground for himself.

It didn't really hurt, it was more relieving to know that he's not that into me and that he's on another path than I. It actually lead me to realize that I'm only making a larger list of what I'm yearning and looking for in a man, than to sit in misery and wonder why this or why not that. It helped me to remember some GREAT memories with those that I loved previously. It helped me to remember the times I was held and how profoundly amazing it felt to be in someone's arms that really cared for me. It helped me to remember other's gestures of love and what I really enjoyed in my life, thus far. Since there have been some glimpses of HOPE and LOVE, I really do not want to forget them.

Do I regret taking the risks I've taken to love? Absolutely NOT!!! Why you ask, would I put myself on the line and become so vulnerable to know that rejection is literally right around the corner. Well, it's simple really, I'll never know if that ONE person will be there if I don't share who I really am. I'm a very intense, high energy, complex, loving, caring, kind hearted, generous and courageous woman who will move mountains for those she loves, as well as go on adventures, take risks and do pretty much what most humans won't to see what's on the other side. I'm a great person who knows herself and also loves herself enough to know that she makes multiple mistakes and is still learning how to live this journey called life. I've got a long ways to go, but one thing I won't do is REGRET!! EVER!!! 

I know that in my heart, that I deserve the world and that I deserve to happy, joyous and free. I know that God will take care of me and I also know that even though as much as I want it to be MY time now, it's not. It's not time for me to settle down with an individual yet, for God's prepping the right one. HE needs alot of work ya know, because I'm a blasted handful and if we're ever going to make it through eternity, He's going to need tools most men don't have.

Tonight, I've sent out multiple messages to those that had my heart at one time or another to let them know that I'm happy that they were able to receive the love that they deserved. I'm able to reach out to each and everyone of them and wish them the best. I'm able to know that they were not meant for me, but were put in my path to help me realize that there's good men out there still and that when the one shows up in my life, I'll know how to piece it all together and make it work at that time.

I'm not a very patient girl, however, I'm a faithful one that believes in God and God's timing is what's important, not mine. All I need to do with my time is to make sure that I'm living in this moment and to enjoy it, for it will be gone in the next. All we have is the NOW and the NOW is what we need to make the best of the best!!!

So, here's to waiting longer... Staying openminded and willing and also honest to myself as the path forward is nothing but greatness with some growth.

THANK YOU to the social media world!!!

This blog post goes out to all of you that I've met over the last 7 years through social media!!!
For without you, I'd not be who I am today!!! 

I've not only had multiple occasions to meet new friends, make new friends, gain some enemies, learn about so many people and their families, learn about myself, meet companies, create and live opportunities, experience phenomenal experiences and so much more, I've been gifted with those following me to help me get back on my feet after having had gone through a horrible time in my life!!!

If it weren't for all of you, I'd not be able to say that next week we will be moving into our new home, with the entire 80% furnished, all of the things we need provided and so much more!! Nor would I be able to say that I was able to share my experience, strength and HOPE over and over with the world!!!

This is simply a THANK YOU for following me, my story and also for all the support ( or not ) that you've given me for almost a decade!!!

Now, back to it and MAKE your WORLD ROCK 100%!!!!!

#OnwardToEPIC #MommaLori #MakesItHappen 

What it feels like to 'like' someone at 39

As I watched you, you looked so lonely over there across the room, watching your daughter. You stood as though someone was coming at you and you didn’t want them to get through your guard. You corresponded to others, but you never let down that wall. You held yourself so poised and yet so distant from the rest, though you had every reason to be there as the rest of us.

You watched your daughter with nothing but the utmost attention to every simple detail in her moves. You showed the reason you were there and that was for her and to see her perform, nothing more. You were there to be a father and support your baby girl. 

I’d seen you before in the store and I thought I had seen you before somewhere and then that day that you were at my register, as I looked into your beautiful blue eyes, you were revealed to me through the system. As I shared my enthusiasm as to whose father you were, you were nothing but humble, yet your smile gave it all away. It was then that I knew that I wanted to know more. I wanted to know why you held yourself like you had and why was it that you were so alone at the events, where you were as welcome as the rest of us.

It wasn’t until you returned and caught me off guard, where I really began to wonder if that would ever become possible, to get to know you more in depth. Yet, it was when you asked if you could show me how to do something that I wasn’t aware of and I had to battle in my head to allow you to do so. Even as much as I knew I could figure it out, I wanted nothing but for you to ask me that over and over again. It was in that moment that I realized that I was missing that in my life, where someone recognized that I was struggling and yet offered to help me without me having to ask. It was in that moment that my vulnerability was recognized and after that moment, I’ve not stopped listening and watching your world.

I want you to want me ( Song )

Every time we’ve spoken or encountered each other, it’s not the same attraction I have to you as I’ve had to others in my life. It’s deeper, it’s something different. I don’t look for the butterflies, or the outsides attributes, I’m more interested in the inside of you. I want to know what makes you tick, what you like to do, or how you like your coffee, or if you even like coffee. I want to know what you listen to when you are traveling from one space to another. I want to know what you’d like to do and what it is that you enjoy doing. I want to know …. So much more about you.

Take my breath away ( Song )

As I watched you make sure that she was tended too, when you sat next to her, you looked so preoccupied and your wall was back again. You sat so stiff and unrelaxed, you didn’t smile much nor did you let down the guard that was held around you, yet you tried to always make sure she was shown love. You made sure that she went first, was dropped off while you parked the car and always showing the gentleman in you towards her.

Than that day that you made sure that I didn’t leave behind something that was important to me, that day, you created an obsession in my mind …. Whatever it is that makes you tick, is what I want more of in my life. I want someone to always be there to make sure that I shut off the lights, that I don’t forget to lock the door, to help me remember the kids events, to help me with directions, to help me …. 

Now, I’m acting like a high schooler that can’t seem to shake you off of my mind, and when I do, there you are all over again!!

 Maybe I’m supposed to ride this ride to remember what it’s like to really enjoy the infatuation of a male that is desirable to other women and someone that would actually love me back, verses all the opposing options in the world. Maybe you are in my life to remind me of HOPE and that men like you do still exist and you are still around. Maybe I’m outta my mind and everything that I’ve seen, felt and enjoyed this far is all a dream and part of my own little fantasy. 

The one I want ( Song )

Either way, all I really want is for you to ask me how my day is and if I’d like to go out for a cup of coffee and an adventure, with you, where all we do is laugh and giggle like two teenagers and nothing but that moment matters.

Come and Get it ( Song )

*Funny, as I write this I’m sitting here as a blubbering mess, for I’m not sure if what I yearn is actually attainable, for someone like me. It’s never been in my life an honestly, I’m not sure it’s possible to attain in my life. I do know however, that no matter how much I yearn for someone to just like me for me and want nothing but me in their lives, is something that I’ve wanted since I was a very young girl who only wanted to be nothing but loved.

I want to know what love is ( Song )