Letting go isn't easy and no one ever said it had to be

It’s a dream.
There’s no way this is real.

We both thought it, shared it and he’d continue to tell me that it wasn’t a dream. He would say: “Lori this is real. I’m real. This is not a dream.” He would look at me and smile, I didn’t have someone look at me like that for years and it felt so good. I’d tell him not to smile at me like that and he’d ask me, like what?

As we stopped at a grocery store, my first visit, he threw me over his shoulder and acted like a complete kid in a candy store. It was as though we were high schoolers, only better, because we knew right from wrong and yet we allowed it to all just flow. We were even walking through the store, trying to figure out what to grab to eat and I was oblivious having had been on a body builders diet, as to what to grab to eat. He asked me, what do you want, what in this store would you eat if you could? I told him that I’d love some Gushers and Pizza. He threw them in the cart.  As we passed some chocolates, I stopped and stared at them, they were dark chocolate covered caramels with sea salt. He told me that he adored them as well and we walked away. To my surprise, he had a whole bucket of them at his house, which he fed to me later that night.

There’s so many memories to let go of and to feel. Sleep doesn’t come easy now, nor does eating or getting things done that need to be. I don’t get outta bed early when I don’t have prior obligations. I hate facing the world to tell them that he chose to walk away, not because they don’t deserve to know, but because I don’t want to move on!!!

I took a chance, a risk, to love again. Did I do it the ‘right’ way, probably not, but it was what my heart told me. I didn’t stop my heart from loving him.  I didn’t stop the world from letting it happen. I went with the eb and flow. I was able to live a dream that hardly any woman really knows. I’ll be able to write a novel from the ‘first’ moments we experienced. I don’t regret what happened, I don’t regret one minute. Would I have done a few things differently, not entirely sure, because I was real with him and I honestly believe that he was honest with me. I’d never been so comfortable with any man that fast in my entire life. What we had was in the cards and it was EPIC.

Letting go is a very hard process. There’s many levels to it and I previously wrote of acceptance, yet there forgiveness, anger, sadness and many more emotions that go with this process. Unfortunately, just like creating something wonderful with someone takes a life time, letting go takes time as well. Today, it’s not an easy process. Not when he’s on my mind every moment of every day. The memories of him and what he brought to my world, are not leaving my soul easily and honestly, I jump when I hear the door or the phone. Only hoping that maybe, just maybe, my dream didn’t have to end so soon.

A break up won’t kill you.
A break up isn’t easy.
A break up is a part of life.
A break up is real.
A break up will make you stronger.

A break up shows you how to handle the end of something, a lesson.

A break up will allow you to grow and become more.

The next man in my life has a hell of a pedestal to crawl up on. He’s going to have to know how to grab me and kiss me with all the passion in the world, challenge me to the ends I don’t know, listen to me and all my babbling, push through when I shut down, offer me help, offer others help, care for my children as though they are his, make me smile, surprise me, and show me that there’s still love in this world.

Damn it, Mr. B ….. I want to tell you that it’s getting easier, but it’s not. I want to tell you that I’m moving on, and I’m trying, but it’s not going so well.  I want you to know that I’m OK, but I cry A LOT!! A family member said to me the other day: “Lori, you need to not fall so hard so fast” and I disagree. The ones I fall for, bring so much joy to my life and memories that only are etched in my soul forever and those memories, I’ll keep. For it’s when I need to smile that I remember them…especially the very first one where I rode the escalator and seen you for the very first time.

Here’s to letting go …. And the next chapter, after I heal from this one.

let her go by passenger  

How lucky I am to have had something so wonderful that it's hard to say Goodbye ( A closure letter )

I’d like to tell you that I’m writing to you about some amazing adventure or something magical, yet instead I’m going to write to you about the angel that stepped into my life, not too long ago, that I’ve written of multiple times and hope that he is able to read this in its entirety. For it’s not that this a closure, but more of an opening to another chapter that’s awaiting to be written for the two of us as we move forward in life.

My soul earned for someone to lay next to me, not because of what they seen in my physique, but because they wanted to be next to me to show  me that love still existed in all ways that I had imagined in my dreams since I was a little girl. My body ached for someone to hold me, with all the passion in the world and to feel them against me with every inch of their soul wanting more of me. My inner self longed for someone to make me laugh, from pure enjoyment and being silly together. My spirit wanted to be alive, with someone wanting the exact same thing at the exact same moment. For me, wanting someone to want me, was more powerful than any intimate action in this world and Mr. B was able to prove to me that it’s possible. Every piece of it. It’s all possible. He gave me that glimpse of hope, which I only thought was in a book or a movie. He gave to me what no one else has been able to give to me and for that I’ll be eternally grateful.

The romance that had been created by us has come to an end, for it seems as though that chapter is now over and it’s time to move onto the next one. It seems as though the page has turned and the seasons are different now, yet it doesn’t mean that hope does not exist. It does not mean that the impossible is not possible, for that would be a lie. The impossible is still possible, just not in this moment of our lives. There are many souls out there that create magic when they meet and I was able to experience this wonderful feeling with Mr. B and even though that relationship had to come to close, it leaves with me a deep understanding of something I’d only ever imagined.

As I move through life, there’s so many lessons that I’ve learned and one of the main ones is, that to each person, we all have a different path to live. It’s not one that is meant to hurt others, it’s meant for us to be true to ourselves and take care of the most important person, which is ourselves. At the moment, when we take care of ourselves, others don’t want to accept the fact that we need to do so,  yet in time, all wounds heal and we all grow from each experience that is brought into our lives. We are all able to learn from each other, so many lessons, and by stepping out of one’s self and into acceptance, live seems to flow much easier. Life seems to throw things in front of us that derail us for a while, yet if we face them with simple steps such as acceptance, love and patience, we all heal and learn. We even become better people, for it’s in those steps we learn our true strength. The strength that is buried so deep within some of us, yet when it is found and applied to life, we are able to achieve the impossible.

There’s no negative feelings that this relationship has ended, the exact opposite is there for me today. For without the past time I’ve spent with this wonderful man, I learned more of what I want in life and what I’m looking for in a partner. I’ve learned what I’m not able to accept as well as what I’m able to apply to my life or even what I will go through for the ultimate success in a relationship. I’ve learned a lot already and I’m still healing. Through the pain is where the growth and lessons will continue to evolve and for that, I’ll be eternally grateful.

There’s good men out there for us women who are broken. I’m confident of it. Though they will appear when we least expect it and we need to continue to stay open minded and willing to accept the entire time spent with them while they are in our lives, for tomorrow is never guaranteed and yesterday has passed.

Mr. B if you are reading this – know you will always hold a special place in this lady’s heart and you will always be known for the phenomenal experiences we had, the moments you touched my heart and the flowers that blossomed in my soul while you were in my life. Please, always stay safe, give many hugs, always hold doors for strangers and never lose your spontaneity. Most of all à THANK YOU!! 

My Own Super Hero

The heavens opened up and sent me an angel.

My own Super Hero…

This man that’s come into my life, not only takes the time to listen he takes the time to learn about me and what’s going on inside of me. He doesn’t want things to fester and bother me, he hears it in my voice when things are ‘wrong’ and he calls me on it. He wants to know how I operate, why I do things, how I make it through and what I have coming up next. He makes plans for our future and involves those that are most important in our lives. He doesn’t want anyone to feel left out and he doesn’t want me to go through more pain and turmoil to get to where we’d like to be. He slows me down, where I need to look at the bigger picture and he steps out of the way when he needs too. He teaches me that selfishness is a way of life, not an asset. He shows me that the way a father is to a daughter is how I wished my father would have been to me. He asks me how I want to be treated and he works on applying it to his life. He makes it easy to open up to him, only to allow him to visit my soul while I’ve worked so hard on keeping others out for a very long time.

His job is to save people and to make sure that others are safe from harm. He designates his co-workers as a family, not colleagues. He knows that no matter what, he needs to learn more to help more. He takes the initiative to create a better world, one small step at a time, even if it means he has to give up more of his wants and desires. He works long hours for those he loves and he doesn’t complain about what he has to do next, he follows through and does it. There’s no mountain too high for him, no venture too large for him, no adventures too scary for him, there’s no fear he’s not willing to push through and create something better. He doesn’t consider himself a hero or an angel, with humility he takes his life with a pride that is unknown to many, yet looked up by millions. He creates opportunities for those that have less then and does what he’s able to apply for them.


The man that I describe is who I’ve fallen in love with and the best part of it all is that he wants me as much as I want him, in my life.  The hard part is that I’m not sure when we’ll be able to implement it 100%, yet the goal is to work towards creating a family and making this dream more of a lifestyle then something we all read about. Until then, we work on what we can … one day at a time…

creating a better life for those around us and knowing that we both exist for each other.

There’s more to this story then we realize, yet for me at this moment, it’s my HOPE and DREAM that it doesn’t end today, tomorrow or anywhere near those.

Never stop dreaming – Dreams come true and Miracles do Occur