The colorful package that had me in tears....

As I walked up to my door, I seen a package and I read what it said on the outside and thought to myself... NO WAY!!

As I unwrapped the beauty that was held with inside the package, I found the ‘note’ that shared why I was receiving this amazing bouquet of ‘sunshine’. The note explained that he felt bad that I wasn’t able to enjoy the flowers that he had given me when I visited him last and that he wanted me to have some here with me. He wanted me to know that he was glad that I was part of his life.

I proceeded to open the rest of the package and the roses just poured out – there were so many of them and they were so beautiful and they included so many wonderful colors. I began to tear up, as the children asked me why I was crying, I explained to them that I’d never had flowers delivered to my doorstep by a man and that it meant the world to me. Sharing with them what a sweet man Brian was for thinking of me and also having these sent to me. I cried as I placed them gently into the vase and then I rearranged them again and again and again…

After I had the chance to let them sit still for a little while, allowing them to get comfortable in our home, I called Brian. He explained why he had asked me this and that and how he led up to ordering them and the story behind it. I didn’t really know how to tell him how much this meant to me and honestly I still don’t know how to explain to him that it’s not the fact that the rose is my favorite flower,  but that he thought that much of me to send me that large of an exquisite bouquet is beyond something I’d ever received.

Something inside me is flourishing with emotion, for you see, a girl like me doesn’t know this type of treatment from a man. It’s not that I don’t deserve it or that women as a whole shouldn’t receive this, it’s just not how I’m used to being treated. I don’t suppose it’s that I’d never had the chance to be treated in this manner, I just never allowed it into my life. For when one doesn’t respect and love themselves, its not easy to allow someone else to love and respect you back. It’s easier to push away that type of treatment, for if you love me and I don’t love myself, accepting it is not appreciated and then the troubles all begin.

A lot of people are putting up their guards and walls on what I’m experiencing, red flags are going up everywhere and if you stop to think of it, it’s sort of a sad ordeal that people wouldn’t think that this could actually be real. Trust me, I’ve questioned this amazing man since he’s shown up and he continues to tell me that it’s real. Now, he’s not only sharing that with me in words, his actions are measuring up. Sure,  it could come crashing down in a minute and there’s so much more that we both have to learn about one another, but why wouldn’t I take this risk and enjoy the joy that is involved and continue to hope that more of it will arrive? Why wouldn’t I take a risk that may end up a real fairy tale that I’ve always dreamed of? Why would I walk away from something that feels so right in the midst of a fictitious fear? Why would I walk away from someone that makes me light up and has an effect on me that has been missing for almost a decade?

Fear is such a powerful thing if you allow it to run your life. I gave that up. Fear, that is. It’s done nothing but ruined everything that I was, ever wanted to be or where I’ve wanted to go. It’s done nothing but allowed me to live in misery, pain and loneliness. Fear is evil.

Love on the other hand, has nothing but warmth, joy and happiness. It holds you and lets you know that no matter what, it’s going to be OK. Love gives nothing but good to the world and to your insides. Love creates bonds that are inseparable. Love resides in all of us and we seem to want to bury it and allow it to be covered by the dark feeling of fear. When I live my life in love verses in fear, opportunities arise and my face brightens up with life only wanting to share the joy and happiness that’s included in the moment. I’m able to embrace the beauty in the moment and the wonderful miracles that are upon us.

In the past decade, I had to do some major soul searching and I have had to dig deeper than I’ve ever had to dig in my entire lifetime. Not to continue on living but to learn how to live without only existing. I’ve had to look inside and find out who I really was and what I really wanted out of this journey we call life. I had to dig deep and show my children that this journey isn’t about being negative, it’s so positive that it can be magical. No matter how old you are, where are at in your in journey, not even your surroundings, for it’s up to you to decide to make a difference. You have the reigns and you need to decide whether you are going to live in misery and pain or move through it all and live life to the fullest. It’s up to each of us to either believe that we are able to have all the good in the world, not the next person. It’s up to each of us to live this life to the fullest and once we each realize this the inevitable joys will appear and the universe will open up and bless us with the most magical moments.

In closing, Brian and I discussed what others think and we both agree that it’s not what you think or the next person it’s what we believe and both of us know that right now we are happy and we are both willing to take the risks that are involved in this ‘romance’ and create something magical. If you’d like to join us on our journey, please do, for we both agree to share it with you. Yet, if you don’t believe or have doubts, please stick around. For we’d like to prove to you that those thoughts are all bullshit and that this journey is a magical one that’s not made up. It’s for real.

He continues to tell me: “I’m not going anywhere” and I’m holding him to it. For he melts my heart at this moment in my life and when I think of ‘us’ it warms my soul and I know that God is good and for me this is healthy right now. I’ve finally found someone that accepts me for me and I, the same of him and we connect like magnets, only creating something I’ve ever seen in the movies and only dreamed of in my life.

Right now, my life is becoming the complete life that I’d dreamed of since I was a little girl and honestly, if it were to explode tomorrow morning, I know in my heart that I’ve no regrets. Not one. Today, I’m happy, do I have all that I want in my life, no, but I do have all that I need and more.

Stay tuned for there’s only 9 days until I’m in his arms…….

Lori's Motivational Speaking Website

Love Yourself with clothes on

When I was younger, I was introduced to sex, drugs and alcohol much younger than most. I grew up thinking that women were to do whatever it was that men wanted them to do and that in order to get what we wanted we were to throw ourselves upon them. For it was our bodies that they wanted, what else was there any way?

As I grew up, I mimicked what I learned. I found myself in prostitution when I was at a very young age, making deals with drug dealers for other drug dealers, to close deals and to make the ends meet. Always getting what I thought I wanted and yet always feeling miserable.

As I continued to grow up, I still threw my body at men and always hoped that eventually someone would see through the ‘meat’ and be more interested in what was underneath and enclosed in my soul. I wanted them to ask me how I felt, I wanted them to see my tears, I wanted them to make me laugh. I would always watch movies and wish that a man would want me like they wanted the women in the movies, the romance movies and novels. I wanted to be ‘that’ woman. I wanted and yearned for someone to love me in the respect that I didn’t know for myself. I wanted someone to love me for me, yet in reality, I didn’t love me.

How can someone love you when you don’t love yourself? How are they going to respect you when you don’t respect yourself? How is anyone going to be the man you want, when you don’t know what type of woman you really are? How is anyone going to love you when you share a mask with the world? How will you attract the love you want when you don’t know what love really is from the insides?

It’s when I learned to love myself that I learned exactly what it was that I wanted out of life. It’s after all the heart breaks, all the losses, all the lessons that I learned and when I began to apply the principles of love to myself that love was allowed to enter my life. The love that entered my life, wasn’t because I showed cleavage or that I showed skin in any manner, the love that entered my life was because I was me. I shared with the world who I was, confidently and care free, showing the world that by living my life and feeling my feelings, I’m a beautiful woman who is a great mother and who is able to be a great friend and do for others what they are not able to do for themselves, all the while spreading love within and keeping a balance.

When I learned that it wasn’t about what others thought of me and that I didn’t need to please others, by what I believed in, I found a new freedom and in that I learned that loving myself and by sharing my world with others, that I’m able to live my dreams. Dreams that were tucked away for years, because I was being who I thought I was supposed to be and not who I really was. Dreams that were kept in a fog, only because I didn’t want a certain person not like me for who I was, or to hide what I believed because it would piss off my family, or doing what I thought that society  thought I should do. By doing all these things, I lost myself. I lost everything I knew and everything that I’d worked for up to that point was taken from me, all the while I held on to become who I always wanted to be. I had to push through the old messages, and push past what society that tries to hug you so tight that you begin to choke and cave into what it deems you should be, past the people that I’d surrounded myself with and let them go to make new…..

Today it’s not about if you like me or not, if I piss you off or if I make you happy.  It’s not about if I’m the person you want me to be or think I should be, it’s about me. It’s about living a life that I’m able to swallow at the end of the day. It’s about living a life that shows my children that this world is full of opportunities, positivity, love and joy that’s so incredible that it’s magical. It’s about sharing with the world that the impossible is possible. It’s about living without regret and making choices that will help change the world, one person at time. It’s about when I lay my head on my pillow at night, I knew at that moment, I didn’t miss a moment in the day that was so preciously given me that I abused it and allowed it blow away in the midst of the society nonsense that is so misleading. It’s about me and about living a life that’s completely imaginary, yet 100% real. It’s about following through on everything I dream about and showing my children that by no matter what’s thrown in front of me, it’s something that we can accomplish together and even though that mountain may seem high, it’s still able to be climbed with sweat, grind and determination and that when we get to the top the fresh air, the scenery and the joy that we will feel will have been worth every single drop of fear and courage that we needed to continue on through and achieve this moment.

You see, I don’t need to show you my skin,  or my boobs, my ass or even that I don’t have underwear on, what I need to show you is how to live and life on life’s terms isn’t about not respecting and loving ourselves, it’s the complete opposite. It’s about making ourselves number one so that we are able to live this life 100% and to show our children and world that the magic is real.

Go on. Stay Real. Be you. Make a difference in this world. Know that you are amazing, even with clothes on and that if you are not loved in the way you yearn, then change the insides first and the outsides will follow. One. Step. At. A. Time.

#OnwardtoEpic

#Bethechange

“ Go on and love you – see what happens – it’s only YOU that you will end up with, why not treat you with LOVE “ 

Lori J Yokiel's Website (Motivational Speaker)

12 Days and counting ...

As I called my best friend to share with her that I’ve booked another trip, yet this one is with extreme excitement to see the new man in my life. We chatted about the different scenarios that will appear while I’m visiting him. We share about the physical encounters he and I will have as well as who I will meet while I’m staying there. Then we share about how I’m so comfortable with him and begin discussing if this relationship is moving to fast. Then she shares with me something that was pretty clear to me, yet good to hear from her. She said: “It’s cool how you are so comfortable with Brian. It’s nice to hear that you are not questioning if you should say this or do that. It’s a good thing to see you two are so open with one another. You’ve never had that the guys you were interested in.”

This time there’s so many things that are different with the man that I’m falling for. He’s never afraid to ask me what I’m thinking and I’m not afraid to tell him. He’s always so inquisitive about what I’m thinking, every moment of every day. He wants to know more about what I’m thinking, dreaming, wanting, wishing, trying to decide, debating on, questioning, all of it, he wants to know. He not only wants to know what it all is, he wants to know how he can help, what is it that I need and where can he fit in the picture.

He’d asked me before why I don’t go after men with money, I shared with him that it’s not money that I want in my life, I want to be loved. Someone that has a lot of money is usually missing the most important ingredient, which is love. I don’t want money to take care of my life, I want the love to go with the money that is coming. I want someone there to listen to my everything. I want someone to be there when I wake up to say “Good Morning” and someone there at night to ask me how my day was. I want someone to call when I don’t know which way to turn from excitement or failure, someone to call while making decisions, someone to notice when something good happens and points it out without me saying something. I want someone there to pick me up when I’m falling and hold me, letting me know that no matter what they’ll be there to help me up when I’m weak. I want someone there to see the rainbows after the rainfalls. I want someone there to just sit with me at night and be next to me. I just want the love that money can’t provide.  There’s so many things that are so much more important than money.

Yesterday I was able to break away from what I was doing and he did the same and we chatted on the phone, all I did was smile and laugh. My cheeks hurt from smiling a true smile with laughter behind it. It felt so good and it’s so missed in my life. He’s reminded me of what it’s like to just be and laugh as the simplest things, to joke around and to know that we are only joking and that neither of us are going anywhere. It felt amazing to be able to know that the person on the other end, wanted the exact same thing as I and that we both wanted this to last forever.

This past week he had to work at the station, he took on an extra day and during those 3 days there were times he didn’t answer my text messages. The strangest thing happened for me, I usually go into a panic mode and wonder “Who’s he talking too? Maybe he’s ignoring me? Etc Etc” and yet this time, I know that it’s not all about me and I’m okay with the fact that this man is out saving the world and that when he gets a chance, he’ll contact me. I adore hearing about what he’s doing throughout his day, for he’s not out doing selfish acts, he’s out changing the world one small step at a time. He’s becoming more and more attractive as the time continues and it’s not the attractiveness in an egotistical sort of manner, it’s in the fact that I’ve met an unselfish soul that is out to help the world and give his all to do so, whether it’s in the J.O.B. that he holds, in making time for his daughter or in just simply helping his friends in their lives. He’s my own Super Man.

When we first started speaking, one of the best things he’d say to me was: “I’m not going anywhere.” Just those simple words were so comforting, I’m not sure I’ve shared that with him, but to know that he not only meant it, he’s following through on those words, my world is better by the minute. Knowing that someone wants me as much as I want them, is priceless. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world to know that there’s someone out there who will wait for me. Not sure it’s ever been said to me before that someone was not going anywhere and that they would be there when I’m done with whatever it is I’m doing. He definitely made his way to my heart when he shared these words … and I can’t wait to see what else happens with us.

This man, who I truly believe, God put in my life is beginning to grab hold of me on the insides and allowing me to become more and more attracted to him and as I communicate with him over 900 miles, we are connecting and creating a bond that only excites me more to be in his arms and feel the physical connections that go hand in hand and intertwine this bond with him and I.

My girlfriend said to me when I first introduced him to her via messages:

“He may have been worth the wait”

Mr. B, I’ve waited a very long time for someone like you. Thank you for showing up in my life and I honestly hope that this never ends….. Here’s until I’m in your arms in less than 12 days……

An Unexpected Moment

As I texted him to share with him that I have the opportunity to show up in his home state, I didn’t realize that what the chances were that things would actually come together and work out, to conclude that in less than 10 hrs I’d be in front of him.

He didn’t only respond to that text message with a text, he called and we spoke about the opportunity as well as what was to take into consideration as we solidified the plans to make this unexpected meeting to occur. For it wasn’t in the books to meet for at least a few more weeks….

As I drove with the friends that helped this meeting to occur, I listened to the conversations at hand, for I knew that if I sat in silence, I’d work myself up inside, knowing that the moments were counting down to stand in front of this amazing human being that I’d been speaking too. Then came the drop off to the airport where I was to board the plane that would take me to him.

I decided that checking my carryon bag was the best idea as the plane was full and I wanted to help the others out, not realizing that prior to seeing him I’d not have the chance to change and freshen up from a long day in NYC. As I chose my seat, I sat next to two women, one of them giving off a comfortable feeling, showing me that sitting next to her I’d be able to calm myself down and enjoy the 4 hour plane ride to the man I’d connected with.

Her name was Amy and she listened to my obnoxious stories and all the feelings that I was going through. She was thoroughly interested and helped me to decide what to change into when I would have the chance prior to appearing before him. Yet, then she also shared with me what the airport lay out was like and that more than likely he’d be waiting for me prior to grabbing my bag. WHAT??!!??? I’m not going to be able to change or freshen up!! Panic had now set in….. And he suggested that I sleep on the plane. This was not an option any longer.

I was able to read, for a little while, as we flew through the night sky. I sat there, in awe, for I’d just experienced another EPIC Event and weekend in my life that was profound and here I was, on my way to meeting a man that I was connecting with, yet I’d never met.

I texted him to share with him that we had landed and that I couldn’t believe that I didn’t keep my carryon and he would see the real me – his response was: “That’s all I want!”

As we approached the landing, I asked Amy if it was possible to walk together to baggage claim and she said she’d not miss this for the world!! Then, we stopped off at the bathroom and she offered me her toiletries and helped me to freshen up. I was so grateful, for now I knew that I would not have the chance to change or do any of the above. I tried to gather my insides and pull together everything I had to continue on to meet this man, yet I was so scared and nervous.

The airport is set up where you ride an escalator up to the floor where you proceed to baggage claim and here is where everyone waits for those they are there to meet. This escalator ride was by far the most nerve racking one I’d ever encountered. Amy was in front of me and as we reached the top she asked me if I’d seen him…at first I looked and I hadn’t and then there he was. I told her I seen him, took a deep breath and walked toward him.

There he stood with flowers and a smile, just as bright and handsome as his pictures. We hugged and then he held me tighter and kissed me. It was a passionate, long kiss that was highly anticipated, melting me and sending me into a bliss, cloud nine he called it.

 This was by far way better then what I’d seen in the movies – he was real, handsome, and strong and even better yet, he was everything that he had shared, even better because the man that stood in front of me, wanted me for me.

He took my bag and my hand and walked me to the baggage claim, all the while both of us knowing that we were both nervous yet ecstatic that we were both real and lived up to what we had shared up until this point in our lives with each other. He then grabbed me again and threw his arms around me and kissed me again, maybe to possibly share with me that he was as ecstatic as I that we were together and as happy as I, yet felt as though  we were on cloud nine still. 

After we grabbed my bag, we made our way to the vehicle though before we made it outside, he pulled me to the side and I found myself up against a wall while he gently kissed me and we connected in so many more ways that I’d imagined!! It was magical and it felt extremely exotic and I wished that moment would not end, as he looked at me with his beautiful eyes and held me, it felt so welcoming and it was as though I was the star in something I’d always watched. 

We had a drive ahead of us before we’d arrive at his home and I was okay with that for he and we needed more time to get comfortable with each other. Even though we’d never sat next to one another, it wasn’t nerve racking, it was more comfortable then I’d figured it would be. He was real, that’s all that matter at this point, I just wanted to know more and learn all that I could while I was near him.

We stopped off at the grocery store, where we shared another kiss and then, being his playful self, threw me over his shoulder and carried me into the store, all the while both of us laughing. We walked around the store, hand in hand, and then I began to realize that I had no idea what to get to eat, for I was at a loss. Whatever was happening, I didn’t want it to end.

As I walked into his home, it was as though I’d walked into my own home. It was a comfort that I only felt when I would walk into the homes of those that are extremely close me, including my own. It was as though I’d been there before and knew that no matter what happened, I would be safe and welcomed.

We had a wonderful evening, chatting until the later part of the next morning (I was wondering why he had picked out one red rose among all the other roses in the bouquet, he shared that the red one was for ‘hope’). We were connecting on so many more levels. We found ourselves interested in so many more categories and intertwining a closer relationship then I’d experienced in years.

I ended up falling asleep in his arms, then I rolled over and I was able to listen to him sleep. I watched him as he rested and it was so calming and serene, I wished I didn’t need sleep myself so that I didn’t have to let these moment slip away.

As I woke the next morning, of course it had only been a few hours later, I knew that he’d wanted to get up to take me to see things in the area. I woke him, a little later then he’d wished (he needed rest, I’m a high energy person, I thought to myself).

He had an appointment that he had to get to, so I was able to get myself ready for the day, the best I could with what I had brought.

He took me to his favorite breakfast spot, where we shared more experiences and he shared his food with me, making sure that I didn’t miss anything. Then, as we were finishing up, he pulled my chair closer to his and told me to kiss him. (What a GREAT dessert!!)

We proceeded to the next location, which was a beautiful and serene area. Nothing but God’s land and the simple beauty that it entailed. He then had me follow him to a ‘cave’ area and we spent some time there, connecting even more and then he decided that he wanted to carve our initials in the limestone that surrounded us. He had me choose a rock and he chose one himself and asked me to choose one with him, then he put the one we chose together and the one he chose on top of each other and then he asked me to place mine on top of these, he called it our ‘foundation’. He wanted me to remember it and to never forget the moments that we shared, being our ‘firsts’. As I sat there and watched him, listened to the noises and his voice, I was in shock and awe and felt the serenity of the location and situation upon me, hoping only for more moments like these.

We sat for a little while, then the time was slipping away so we decided to move onto the next adventure. He took me to a place with some history and wanted me to experience the area as well as what it all had enclosed in it. He wanted to share with me where his daughter and him were the week before and show him what they were able to accomplish together. He wanted to make sure that we took pictures to remember our ‘first’ time together and the places we went.

Later that night, we spoke of when we would meet again and spend time, for we are over 900 miles apart in our homes. We made sure that we didn’t let the moment slip away from us, we snuggled on the couch and began to realize that we both needed sleep prior to the drive the next morning to the airport.

When we woke, we both prepared for the next few hours together. I took a moment to step into the kitchen and stared out the window, for a moment, tears came into my eyes. For I knew that I had to leave, yet I didn’t understand how I found someone that was so unbelievably loving,  caring, fun and all that I’d ever wanted. I was tearing up from gratitude that I was able to find a man that had such a soul and was interested in sharing it with me. I wanted nothing more than to head out on another adventure with him, yet I knew I had to go home to my babies.

 I wanted to take some of the rose’s home with me, for he’d picked them out and I didn’t want to leave them all behind. He chose two of them, one red and one reddish orange. He wrapped them in a wet paper towel and I watched him, he placed the paper towel around them so carefully and gently, his hands working on something with so much love, I knew that I’d found someone that would make a huge impact in my life if I’d allow him to do so.

As we drove to the airport the next morning, we both tried to avoid the inevitable. Getting into some discussions about our opinions on different subjects, yet sharing with each other that that’s exactly what we were both doing.

We arrived at the airport and both of us knew that we’d see each other again, so we said our goodbyes with kisses and hugs. All the while, he assured me that we’d soon be back in each other’s arms.

As I walked through the airport, I realized that I just encountered one of the best experiences that I’d known in years. I realized, as the tears welled up, that what I just experienced is what I usually watched in movies, not in my life. I realized that the man that I met was exactly who he’d proclaimed through our previous conversations and that I couldn’t wait to learn more and spend more time with him.

He called me as I was grabbing a water and some goodies for on the flight, for he wanted me to know that he was thinking of me and that he wanted to know when I was boarded and on the plane. I thought to myself “Where did this man come from!??! What is happening to me!!??!!”

As I boarded the plane, I was ready for sleep, for I was extremely tired. I rested, remembering his arms around me and the warmth and comfort I felt, knowing that when I land I had to deal with the life that I had back home, yet also hoping that what I just encountered was only the beginning of something magical and that it will only become more of a lifestyle then a dream.

That night, I’d spoke to him several times as well slipped on his T-Shirt that he’d given me to bring home to feel close to him, it was time to retire from an experience of a life time.

I drifted off to the feeling of him holding me…. Dreaming until the next time I’m able to feel his arms around me.

Here’s to more HOPE……

Close to my heart ...the beginning of a long over due novel

First and foremost, what I’m about to write has been granted permission by the opposing individual to share with you (for I do NOT publish anything without other’s approval or consent). Secondly, you need to not make judgments or criticisms, for this is MY story and you do not need to follow it if you do not like. Your call….

Third, please know that this is all written from my view and my perspectives, though the words are from my heart.

For many years, I wanted someone in my life who would complement who I am, who would be there to support me in all that I do and what I’m about, someone to push me, someone who would give of themselves as much as I did, who believed in health and fitness as I did, who believed that their children were number one, and so much more.

I yearned for someone to show interest in all that I was doing, someone who wanted to know what I did right, wrong, indifferent or even just what I was doing, period. I yearned for someone to say “Good Morning, have a great day” and call me at night to see how my day was. Someone who wanted to know what my next venture was, what my dreams and goals were, someone to share my world with.

I’d cry at night, as I prayed, for that person to show up as my life was taking off in the new world that I created. I’d cry to my higher power that I’d have the courage to stay out of the way to allow this person into my life and for myself to not try to control the situation. I’d cry, just because I wanted someone to love me as much as I love myself.

When I decided to sign up for the figure competition in August 2013, I made a decision for me and my children. I decided to give myself whole heartedly to the competition and that meant to drop all and any ‘crushes’ that I had or male ‘friends’ that I’d surrounded myself with other then my trainer. Funny thing was, there was a man that had shown up and I thought that I would allow him to get close to me as he was into body building just as I was. I thought that this could work and I allowed myself to share time with him, until I realized that something wasn’t right after a little while. This is when I made the ultimate decision to really close the doors on all relationships and just work on Lori for the rest of the time until God decided it was right.

I need to go back to a few years ago, when I visited Colorado and was at an Expo where we met the men who were the Colorado Fire fighters in the calendar. We ooo’d and awww’d them up and down. We were stricken with the view!! That’s when I really began scooping out and following gorgeous fitness models. It was then that I began to realize more and more of what I wanted. NO, not a man with a KEN figure but a man that was looked up to for what he did in his life and that it was imperative that he be based in an unselfish manner in life and that giving of himself to others was one of  his main ingredients.  

As my life began to take off this year and the successes continue to occur, I yearned more and more to share this journey, yet I didn’t know how to even begin looking. Every time I’d even ‘try’ to venture out, the individuals were more into themselves and I was immediately turned off. I think, after some time, I just shut things off and stopped trying to even search. I was sick of being sick and tired and hurt by the same type over and over. I took a leap of faith and decided to begin praying for courage to be open and willingness to accept what was.

I got so busy with life and my social media that I’d not been able to keep up with those that I’d add, I would screen some of them and just go with things and leave them alone. Sometimes I’d go out and like a pic or two. Just so that I knew what I was adding to my social media….

There was a picture that popped up on my news feed one day and this man had the most attractive eyes, so I went to his page where immediately his daughter and himself popped up on his cover picture. In his pictures, there was one that was taken of him staring at his daughter as she was having her makeup and hair done, his face said so much in that picture as he watched her and the love poured out, it stole my heart. So, since he’d caught my eye, I scrolled down and noticed he was a COLORADO FIREFIGHTER and originally from Minnesota!!! This took me to a few more pictures, which I liked a few of him with his daughter and figured he’s more than likely dating someone or married. I left it at that.

Not but a minute later, he was liking my pictures, multiple ones in a row. Hmmmmmm… I thought. So, I stopped by to say HI in the messenger. IMMEDIATELY, he shared that he thought I was amazing. I figured I’d ask him how old he was and he responded with 37. He proceeded to ask me if he could now ask me some questions. Of course, why not I thought?

This is what really caught my attention. He asked me three questions, not normal questions ( what’s your bra size – do you want to see some pictures of me – how often do you work out – you’re hot, do you want to go out for coffee – we should work out together some time ) but ones that lead to some profound answers as I learned the reasons behind them.

1.       If you were given a lottery ticket for any vehicle of your choice, what would it be?

2.       If you were told you were going to be granted a trip in your own jet, where would you go and if you could only bring one person with, who would it be?

3.       If you were told that you could have any super power you’d like, what would it be and what would you do with it?

No one has EVER been that interested in my life right off the bat… not that I recall, especially a male figure. So I answered them with the best of my ability. I went on to tell him all about a ’69 442 that I’ve always wanted in detail. I also shared with him how I’d first stop in Australia, as that’s where my children have always wanted to go and then to Ireland to see the ruins. I also shared with him that if I’m not able to take both my children, I don’t want to go. The super power one, I told him I didn’t want one, for I’m a control freak and that would do no one any good, but if I were able to apply it to anything it would be to have everyone love themselves, which would in turn help the world to be a better place.

I then asked if I passed, he responded:  “With flying colors” Then he asked if I wanted to know the reasons, which I think is what stunned me, for I didn’t realize he had thought this into depth on everything.

He told me that the first one tells about what the woman likes to surround herself with, how out of the box she thinks and if it’s all in detail then she knows what she wants in life. The second one told him if she likes to travel and is adventurous and who’s most important in her life. The third one was see about creativity and where she is in life as well as if she’s selfish.

WOW I thought. Who goes that into depth, right off the bat and just wants to know what’s going on inside my head and how I feel about life and those that surround me? This conversation then lead into the fact that I had to get to the gym and he left his digits and I responded with mine.

We’ve not stopped communicating since, though now I know more about him then I’d probably known about any one that I’d ever dated, in the short time that we’ve spoken that all I want to do is learn more. For everything that I ask, he answers with exactly what I’ve been searching for over that past few years. Not only that, he calls me every morning, at least once, to say “Good Morning. Have a great day” and every night to ask me my best and worst part of my day. He finds out what is going on in my life and makes an effort that he knows how it went, how I felt about it and anything else in the matter. He compliments me, every time we speak. He listens to me. He makes me know that I’m already important in his world. He tells me he’s proud of everything I’ve accomplished. He challenges me every day with new tasks. He makes sure I have my time for the children and lets me know that he’s not going anywhere and will be there when I’m done dealing with the situation at hand. He makes me laugh, every time we talk. He brings out someone that’s been missing for a long time and she’s glowing.

Finally a man that shows an interest in my life, not my pants.

Finally a man that is smart, selfless, a great father, giving, loving, and extremely fit and handsome.

Finally a man that brings out a part of me that I’ve missed for a long, long time. He helps me bring out the Lori that was scared to pop her head out, for the fear that she’d be hurt. He helps me see that this journey isn’t a whole hoax and that I’m making it a reality. He’s helping me to realize that dreams come true, even if I’m living it.

Sometimes it feels so great to share it with someone that supports me every step of the way and wants nothing more for me then for me to succeed. It’s not that my girlfriends were not doing this already, yet, someone that is sincerely there for me … yeah, me.

I’ve yet to meet this man face to face, though we’ve utilized the communication tools that people utilize via long distance relationships. He asked me if we could skype and at first I told him no, but then prior to going to NYC I agreed, of course with the utmost hesitation for I’d no makeup on nor was I in any shape to present to him myself for a first impression (then I thought, if he doesn’t like me this way, he won’t like me any other way). I hopped on skype, extremely scared and nervous like a little school girl talking to her ‘crush’. IMMEDIATELY, he complimented me on my eyes and then my teeth and how in Awe he was…. Oh boy, I was so embarrassed but at the same time, I missed this feeling and honestly, it felt good and I didn’t want it to end. He was everything he proclaimed to be up to this point and then some. I couldn’t believe that he was real, it was so surreal. A dream per se.

We have been skyping prior to this writing, for I asked him if I could share him and I on social media and he was absolutely in agreement. He’d rather have it out there, for he’s so proud of me and having me in his life.

I continue to tell myself I need to wake up. It’s like I’m living in a dream. How does someone like him come around and where did he come from … He has to be taken or married or something … he claims (and at this point, I believe him whole heartedly for he calls me all the time, texts me or is telling me how he is working on catching me). He’s too good to be true and as I share that with him, he reminds me that this is reality and that I don’t need to wake up it’s all for real.

We continue to look at the calendar to meet and it’s not feasible for a few more weeks with our schedules. So, in time …

Though I have to share with you he’s even laid out our first date, second date and third date. He has a complete lay of what we are going to do when we meet for the first time.

He believes in opening doors for the lady, he believes in escorting her to where ever she needs to go, he believe in all the traditional ways that I have only dreamed of in my life. He believes that in order to make a relationship work it’s a two way street, communication is key and that there has to be complete honesty. He believes that the children come first. He believes …. Everything that I’ve only dreamed a man would believe and was involved in my life.

I’m counting down the hours until I can actually meet this fire fighter and I’m praying it’s as Epic as the beginning of what I hope doesn’t end. YET – if it does, he gave me a HUGE GIFT already:

HOPE.

*Stay tuned …

Another chapter in New York City

My journey to New York City was something like out of a book – as I sat in the airport recollecting the hours up to the moment where I sat in the MPLS International airport looking up to a terminal filing up with those traveling to the famous Las Vegas and hearing their screams and cries of joys, it was time to being a journal entry for the blog. Knowing all the while that the individuals around me had not slowed down long enough to know what this moment all entailed for me….it had to be shared with the world, for moments like these do not appear for anyone at any given moment.

Today I’ll fly to New York City for a VIP event and it’s not a dream, its reality. I’ve been honored and requested to join the team that have worked on an up and coming magazine full of inspirational individuals, sharing their stories and motivating the world with their successes. We’ve been planning and looking forward to this event for months and here it is.

There was a bit of a bump in the road while I wait to board for this event and yet, instead of getting upset that I have to sit for a day, I decided to utilize the hours and enjoy them to the best of my ability. For as I write this, I’m waiting to board my flight and the terminals around me fill up and then they empty with those that are in a hurry to get to their flights and their next destinations. Yet, I’m able to capture the environment and realize that my life has become a ‘dream’ come true.

My journey this far has been far from a smooth ride, nor have I ever asked for one. Yet, the stars have aligned and my life is beginning to shine and the view is absolutely profound. For I’d never imagined ever flying or wanting to fly to a city such as New York City. Though I sit here with an expensive gown in my carry on and a few more evening dresses, something I never place myself in, for it’s not usually called out for, I find myself in an awe that I’ve never encountered. A place my soul has yearned, completely foreign, yet hopeful that it was possible to arrive to such a place in life.

I sit here waiting for a phone call from someone that I’ve begun to allow into my life and desire to engage with and create a stronger bond with, I wonder how I ended up in this seat, at this terminal in the position that I’m currently sharing about.

The answers are really quite simple:

I’ve been working on myself for a few years and yet this past year was where the majority of the growth was made only allowing myself to love the person that I’ve become and to realize and grasp that the reality of it all is that I deserve to be happy in all areas of my life. Not just those that I’ve chosen to work but also those that the universe has put in front of me.
By learning to love one’s self, the universe then puts opportunities into your life that are absolutely profound and unexpected. By learning to take care of one’s self and also by allowing the love from the universe to surround you, the world opens the doors and surrounds you with the comfort and joy of everything that you are ready to embrace and accept making the most amazing and phenomenal journey that you would have ever encountered.

As I begin the next phase of my life and my journey, I’m continuing to keep an open mind and also stay willing all the while being honest with those around me. Even though at times, I feel the overpowering feelings of fear embrace me and try to fight through it all, I push through and realize that I will need to continue to do so. For in order to grow and evolve one needs to accept change and within change is challenge.

I’m excited to step on that flight and arrive into NYC, to embrace the environment, to experience new and exciting experiences and individuals all from much different worlds than I am attuned too. I’m excited to see what the universe has in store for me in the near future as well as the further portions of my journey. There’s never been a time in my life that I’ve been in so much awe and allowed the fears to subside and I do believe that is because I’ve been taught and also applied the skills that were sent to me through the past few years. Allowing myself to experience all that I was supposed to experience verses what I ‘thought’ I deserved years back.

For me, it’s been the trials and tribulations that I’ve been through, the 180’s I’ve had to apply and all the lessons that I needed to be taught that have brought me to this point in my journey and for each and every one of the above, I’m utterly grateful and I’ll continue to work on moving forward and creating a world unknown to my children and I that is beyond EPIC.

Here’s to everything I’ve never lived, all that I’ve dealt with, to all those that I had to leave behind and to all those that I’m going bring into my new life. As well as a Thank you to all that have taught me all the lessons in my life, good or bad, hard or soft, new or old, for without you and the lessons, I’d be nowhere near where I am today.

“Faith without works is DEAD”
“It’s not the first step that you need to worry about, do the work, take the first step and the staircase will reveal itself in time”

Just give them some of your time, that's all they want

Tonight, I watched a show with my son. It was a show about young boy who'd had a hard childhood and had to move around alot, making it a lifestyle to go to new schools and make new friends continuously. He had a hard time fitting in, he was bullied alot and people made fun of who he 'was' yet, he always had a dream to become a boxer. His mother was afraid to allow him to step into that sport or lifestyle as she called it, in fear that he'd be extremely hurt. He'd went behind her back and the short summary of the story is, the kid started boxing, ended up gaining confidence and learned about himself as well as found how to believe in himself. His parents and grandparents were there to watch him, as he stepped into the ring, believing in him as well and showing support. 

Earlier today, My son said to me: " Mom, you make us your priority. Thank you for raising us."

While watching that show and hearing what my son said today, I was moved. Moved because, the moments I remember in life are the ones where my loved ones showed up...not because they were forced too, but because they wanted to show support. 

Did you know that I competed in my first figure competition this May, scared out of my damn mind and horrified to step into that suit and show the world every flaw I had, yet I held together the entire night until -- My grandmother and mother walked out after I was done, surprising me. I started crying, pretty much went into a bawling fit. It was then, that moment, that I knew that what I've done and am doing is the 'right' thing in my life. For today I believe in myself enough to push myself to the ultimate limits, whether or not you believe.

I didn't have support from those I loved when I was younger, I had to grow up fast and become 'strong' early on in life ... I was alone ALOT. I had to fight battles inside and outside, ALONE. It wasn't that I wasn't loved, it was that others had different priorities in their lives and at those times, I wasn't one.

Do I sit in pity from it today, hell NO!! I embrace it... because it was due to those situations that I became who I am today. It brought me to this moment to share this with you.

 It brought me to the realization that when you love someone, you show it. You don't mistreat them, you embrace them. You don't show negativity towards them, you show them love. You don't make them face life without supporting them, you show them you believe. You don't walk away from them when you are upset,  you show them that they are worth it. You don't shelter them from the world, you help them gain wings to fly. 
" Actions speak louder then words "

Today, I'm given a chance to do everything I wasn't able to get when I was younger. Today, I'm able to show people that they are a priority in my life. Today, I'm able to know when to set boundaries or when to walk away. Today, I'm able to know who to give my time too.... 

Today -- I realize that priorities are how we set them .. and after I tend to myself and take care of me, there's a few more people that need my help. First and foremost, the first two after myself are my children.They come before anyone, anything or any time I'd give to anyone. They know that today ... I've shown it and I'll continue, even when they don't want me too. For the 'book' says that discipline is a form of love as well as being there with them through everything. 

I'm not one to tell anyone what they should do with their time, but I will share this with you : 

When someone gives you their time, it's felt in the heart of the person receiving the time. Nothing can take that away. When you give of yourself, unselfishly, you are noticed. It's important to keep your priorities in check and do what you need to take care of yourself. 

For me today, my world is my children. Then, and while I raise them, is to share with the world that anything is possible. ANYTHING. Even taking a hard childhood and turning it around 180 degrees and making it a HUGE asset in your life. 

"Do for others what you'd like done unto yourself" 


Lori J Yokiel - Motivational Speaker