Close to my heart ...the beginning of a long over due novel

First and foremost, what I’m about to write has been granted permission by the opposing individual to share with you (for I do NOT publish anything without other’s approval or consent). Secondly, you need to not make judgments or criticisms, for this is MY story and you do not need to follow it if you do not like. Your call….

Third, please know that this is all written from my view and my perspectives, though the words are from my heart.

For many years, I wanted someone in my life who would complement who I am, who would be there to support me in all that I do and what I’m about, someone to push me, someone who would give of themselves as much as I did, who believed in health and fitness as I did, who believed that their children were number one, and so much more.

I yearned for someone to show interest in all that I was doing, someone who wanted to know what I did right, wrong, indifferent or even just what I was doing, period. I yearned for someone to say “Good Morning, have a great day” and call me at night to see how my day was. Someone who wanted to know what my next venture was, what my dreams and goals were, someone to share my world with.

I’d cry at night, as I prayed, for that person to show up as my life was taking off in the new world that I created. I’d cry to my higher power that I’d have the courage to stay out of the way to allow this person into my life and for myself to not try to control the situation. I’d cry, just because I wanted someone to love me as much as I love myself.

When I decided to sign up for the figure competition in August 2013, I made a decision for me and my children. I decided to give myself whole heartedly to the competition and that meant to drop all and any ‘crushes’ that I had or male ‘friends’ that I’d surrounded myself with other then my trainer. Funny thing was, there was a man that had shown up and I thought that I would allow him to get close to me as he was into body building just as I was. I thought that this could work and I allowed myself to share time with him, until I realized that something wasn’t right after a little while. This is when I made the ultimate decision to really close the doors on all relationships and just work on Lori for the rest of the time until God decided it was right.

I need to go back to a few years ago, when I visited Colorado and was at an Expo where we met the men who were the Colorado Fire fighters in the calendar. We ooo’d and awww’d them up and down. We were stricken with the view!! That’s when I really began scooping out and following gorgeous fitness models. It was then that I began to realize more and more of what I wanted. NO, not a man with a KEN figure but a man that was looked up to for what he did in his life and that it was imperative that he be based in an unselfish manner in life and that giving of himself to others was one of  his main ingredients.  

As my life began to take off this year and the successes continue to occur, I yearned more and more to share this journey, yet I didn’t know how to even begin looking. Every time I’d even ‘try’ to venture out, the individuals were more into themselves and I was immediately turned off. I think, after some time, I just shut things off and stopped trying to even search. I was sick of being sick and tired and hurt by the same type over and over. I took a leap of faith and decided to begin praying for courage to be open and willingness to accept what was.

I got so busy with life and my social media that I’d not been able to keep up with those that I’d add, I would screen some of them and just go with things and leave them alone. Sometimes I’d go out and like a pic or two. Just so that I knew what I was adding to my social media….

There was a picture that popped up on my news feed one day and this man had the most attractive eyes, so I went to his page where immediately his daughter and himself popped up on his cover picture. In his pictures, there was one that was taken of him staring at his daughter as she was having her makeup and hair done, his face said so much in that picture as he watched her and the love poured out, it stole my heart. So, since he’d caught my eye, I scrolled down and noticed he was a COLORADO FIREFIGHTER and originally from Minnesota!!! This took me to a few more pictures, which I liked a few of him with his daughter and figured he’s more than likely dating someone or married. I left it at that.

Not but a minute later, he was liking my pictures, multiple ones in a row. Hmmmmmm… I thought. So, I stopped by to say HI in the messenger. IMMEDIATELY, he shared that he thought I was amazing. I figured I’d ask him how old he was and he responded with 37. He proceeded to ask me if he could now ask me some questions. Of course, why not I thought?

This is what really caught my attention. He asked me three questions, not normal questions ( what’s your bra size – do you want to see some pictures of me – how often do you work out – you’re hot, do you want to go out for coffee – we should work out together some time ) but ones that lead to some profound answers as I learned the reasons behind them.

1.       If you were given a lottery ticket for any vehicle of your choice, what would it be?

2.       If you were told you were going to be granted a trip in your own jet, where would you go and if you could only bring one person with, who would it be?

3.       If you were told that you could have any super power you’d like, what would it be and what would you do with it?

No one has EVER been that interested in my life right off the bat… not that I recall, especially a male figure. So I answered them with the best of my ability. I went on to tell him all about a ’69 442 that I’ve always wanted in detail. I also shared with him how I’d first stop in Australia, as that’s where my children have always wanted to go and then to Ireland to see the ruins. I also shared with him that if I’m not able to take both my children, I don’t want to go. The super power one, I told him I didn’t want one, for I’m a control freak and that would do no one any good, but if I were able to apply it to anything it would be to have everyone love themselves, which would in turn help the world to be a better place.

I then asked if I passed, he responded:  “With flying colors” Then he asked if I wanted to know the reasons, which I think is what stunned me, for I didn’t realize he had thought this into depth on everything.

He told me that the first one tells about what the woman likes to surround herself with, how out of the box she thinks and if it’s all in detail then she knows what she wants in life. The second one told him if she likes to travel and is adventurous and who’s most important in her life. The third one was see about creativity and where she is in life as well as if she’s selfish.

WOW I thought. Who goes that into depth, right off the bat and just wants to know what’s going on inside my head and how I feel about life and those that surround me? This conversation then lead into the fact that I had to get to the gym and he left his digits and I responded with mine.

We’ve not stopped communicating since, though now I know more about him then I’d probably known about any one that I’d ever dated, in the short time that we’ve spoken that all I want to do is learn more. For everything that I ask, he answers with exactly what I’ve been searching for over that past few years. Not only that, he calls me every morning, at least once, to say “Good Morning. Have a great day” and every night to ask me my best and worst part of my day. He finds out what is going on in my life and makes an effort that he knows how it went, how I felt about it and anything else in the matter. He compliments me, every time we speak. He listens to me. He makes me know that I’m already important in his world. He tells me he’s proud of everything I’ve accomplished. He challenges me every day with new tasks. He makes sure I have my time for the children and lets me know that he’s not going anywhere and will be there when I’m done dealing with the situation at hand. He makes me laugh, every time we talk. He brings out someone that’s been missing for a long time and she’s glowing.

Finally a man that shows an interest in my life, not my pants.

Finally a man that is smart, selfless, a great father, giving, loving, and extremely fit and handsome.

Finally a man that brings out a part of me that I’ve missed for a long, long time. He helps me bring out the Lori that was scared to pop her head out, for the fear that she’d be hurt. He helps me see that this journey isn’t a whole hoax and that I’m making it a reality. He’s helping me to realize that dreams come true, even if I’m living it.

Sometimes it feels so great to share it with someone that supports me every step of the way and wants nothing more for me then for me to succeed. It’s not that my girlfriends were not doing this already, yet, someone that is sincerely there for me … yeah, me.

I’ve yet to meet this man face to face, though we’ve utilized the communication tools that people utilize via long distance relationships. He asked me if we could skype and at first I told him no, but then prior to going to NYC I agreed, of course with the utmost hesitation for I’d no makeup on nor was I in any shape to present to him myself for a first impression (then I thought, if he doesn’t like me this way, he won’t like me any other way). I hopped on skype, extremely scared and nervous like a little school girl talking to her ‘crush’. IMMEDIATELY, he complimented me on my eyes and then my teeth and how in Awe he was…. Oh boy, I was so embarrassed but at the same time, I missed this feeling and honestly, it felt good and I didn’t want it to end. He was everything he proclaimed to be up to this point and then some. I couldn’t believe that he was real, it was so surreal. A dream per se.

We have been skyping prior to this writing, for I asked him if I could share him and I on social media and he was absolutely in agreement. He’d rather have it out there, for he’s so proud of me and having me in his life.

I continue to tell myself I need to wake up. It’s like I’m living in a dream. How does someone like him come around and where did he come from … He has to be taken or married or something … he claims (and at this point, I believe him whole heartedly for he calls me all the time, texts me or is telling me how he is working on catching me). He’s too good to be true and as I share that with him, he reminds me that this is reality and that I don’t need to wake up it’s all for real.

We continue to look at the calendar to meet and it’s not feasible for a few more weeks with our schedules. So, in time …

Though I have to share with you he’s even laid out our first date, second date and third date. He has a complete lay of what we are going to do when we meet for the first time.

He believes in opening doors for the lady, he believes in escorting her to where ever she needs to go, he believe in all the traditional ways that I have only dreamed of in my life. He believes that in order to make a relationship work it’s a two way street, communication is key and that there has to be complete honesty. He believes that the children come first. He believes …. Everything that I’ve only dreamed a man would believe and was involved in my life.

I’m counting down the hours until I can actually meet this fire fighter and I’m praying it’s as Epic as the beginning of what I hope doesn’t end. YET – if it does, he gave me a HUGE GIFT already:

HOPE.

*Stay tuned …