As I walked up to my door, I seen a package and I read what
it said on the outside and thought to myself... NO WAY!!
As I unwrapped the beauty that was held with inside the package, I found the ‘note’ that shared why I was receiving this amazing bouquet of ‘sunshine’. The note explained that he felt bad that I wasn’t able to enjoy the flowers that he had given me when I visited him last and that he wanted me to have some here with me. He wanted me to know that he was glad that I was part of his life.
I proceeded to open the rest of the package and the roses just poured out – there were so many of them and they were so beautiful and they included so many wonderful colors. I began to tear up, as the children asked me why I was crying, I explained to them that I’d never had flowers delivered to my doorstep by a man and that it meant the world to me. Sharing with them what a sweet man Brian was for thinking of me and also having these sent to me. I cried as I placed them gently into the vase and then I rearranged them again and again and again…
As I unwrapped the beauty that was held with inside the package, I found the ‘note’ that shared why I was receiving this amazing bouquet of ‘sunshine’. The note explained that he felt bad that I wasn’t able to enjoy the flowers that he had given me when I visited him last and that he wanted me to have some here with me. He wanted me to know that he was glad that I was part of his life.
I proceeded to open the rest of the package and the roses just poured out – there were so many of them and they were so beautiful and they included so many wonderful colors. I began to tear up, as the children asked me why I was crying, I explained to them that I’d never had flowers delivered to my doorstep by a man and that it meant the world to me. Sharing with them what a sweet man Brian was for thinking of me and also having these sent to me. I cried as I placed them gently into the vase and then I rearranged them again and again and again…
After I had the chance to let them sit still for a little while, allowing them to get comfortable in our home, I called Brian. He explained why he had asked me this and that and how he led up to ordering them and the story behind it. I didn’t really know how to tell him how much this meant to me and honestly I still don’t know how to explain to him that it’s not the fact that the rose is my favorite flower, but that he thought that much of me to send me that large of an exquisite bouquet is beyond something I’d ever received.
Something inside me is flourishing with emotion, for you see, a girl like me doesn’t know this type of treatment from a man. It’s not that I don’t deserve it or that women as a whole shouldn’t receive this, it’s just not how I’m used to being treated. I don’t suppose it’s that I’d never had the chance to be treated in this manner, I just never allowed it into my life. For when one doesn’t respect and love themselves, its not easy to allow someone else to love and respect you back. It’s easier to push away that type of treatment, for if you love me and I don’t love myself, accepting it is not appreciated and then the troubles all begin.
A lot of people are putting up their guards and walls on what I’m experiencing, red flags are going up everywhere and if you stop to think of it, it’s sort of a sad ordeal that people wouldn’t think that this could actually be real. Trust me, I’ve questioned this amazing man since he’s shown up and he continues to tell me that it’s real. Now, he’s not only sharing that with me in words, his actions are measuring up. Sure, it could come crashing down in a minute and there’s so much more that we both have to learn about one another, but why wouldn’t I take this risk and enjoy the joy that is involved and continue to hope that more of it will arrive? Why wouldn’t I take a risk that may end up a real fairy tale that I’ve always dreamed of? Why would I walk away from something that feels so right in the midst of a fictitious fear? Why would I walk away from someone that makes me light up and has an effect on me that has been missing for almost a decade?
Fear is such a powerful thing if you allow it to run your life. I gave that up. Fear, that is. It’s done nothing but ruined everything that I was, ever wanted to be or where I’ve wanted to go. It’s done nothing but allowed me to live in misery, pain and loneliness. Fear is evil.
Love on the other hand, has nothing but warmth, joy and
happiness. It holds you and lets you know that no matter what, it’s going to be
OK. Love gives nothing but good to the world and to your insides. Love creates
bonds that are inseparable. Love resides in all of us and we seem to want to
bury it and allow it to be covered by the dark feeling of fear. When I live my
life in love verses in fear, opportunities arise and my face brightens up with
life only wanting to share the joy and happiness that’s included in the moment.
I’m able to embrace the beauty in the moment and the wonderful miracles that
are upon us.
In the past decade, I had to do some major soul searching
and I have had to dig deeper than I’ve ever had to dig in my entire lifetime.
Not to continue on living but to learn how to live without only existing. I’ve
had to look inside and find out who I really was and what I really wanted out
of this journey we call life. I had to dig deep and show my children that this
journey isn’t about being negative, it’s so positive that it can be magical. No
matter how old you are, where are at in your in journey, not even your
surroundings, for it’s up to you to decide to make a difference. You have the
reigns and you need to decide whether you are going to live in misery and pain
or move through it all and live life to the fullest. It’s up to each of us to
either believe that we are able to have all the good in the world, not the next
person. It’s up to each of us to live this life to the fullest and once we each
realize this the inevitable joys will appear and the universe will open up and
bless us with the most magical moments.
In closing, Brian and I discussed what others think and we both agree that it’s not what you think or the next person it’s what we believe and both of us know that right now we are happy and we are both willing to take the risks that are involved in this ‘romance’ and create something magical. If you’d like to join us on our journey, please do, for we both agree to share it with you. Yet, if you don’t believe or have doubts, please stick around. For we’d like to prove to you that those thoughts are all bullshit and that this journey is a magical one that’s not made up. It’s for real.
He continues to tell me: “I’m not going anywhere” and I’m holding him to it. For he melts my heart at this moment in my life and when I think of ‘us’ it warms my soul and I know that God is good and for me this is healthy right now. I’ve finally found someone that accepts me for me and I, the same of him and we connect like magnets, only creating something I’ve ever seen in the movies and only dreamed of in my life.
Right now, my life is becoming the complete life that I’d dreamed of since I was a little girl and honestly, if it were to explode tomorrow morning, I know in my heart that I’ve no regrets. Not one. Today, I’m happy, do I have all that I want in my life, no, but I do have all that I need and more.
Stay tuned for there’s only 9 days until I’m in his arms…….
In closing, Brian and I discussed what others think and we both agree that it’s not what you think or the next person it’s what we believe and both of us know that right now we are happy and we are both willing to take the risks that are involved in this ‘romance’ and create something magical. If you’d like to join us on our journey, please do, for we both agree to share it with you. Yet, if you don’t believe or have doubts, please stick around. For we’d like to prove to you that those thoughts are all bullshit and that this journey is a magical one that’s not made up. It’s for real.
He continues to tell me: “I’m not going anywhere” and I’m holding him to it. For he melts my heart at this moment in my life and when I think of ‘us’ it warms my soul and I know that God is good and for me this is healthy right now. I’ve finally found someone that accepts me for me and I, the same of him and we connect like magnets, only creating something I’ve ever seen in the movies and only dreamed of in my life.
Right now, my life is becoming the complete life that I’d dreamed of since I was a little girl and honestly, if it were to explode tomorrow morning, I know in my heart that I’ve no regrets. Not one. Today, I’m happy, do I have all that I want in my life, no, but I do have all that I need and more.
Stay tuned for there’s only 9 days until I’m in his arms…….
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