Yearning a Hug of LOVE

After browsing through my pictures this evening, looking for something, yet not really knowing what it was that I was actually looking for, I realized something significant.

The top priorities in my life time have literally been my grandmother, my sister and my two beautiful  children. How do I know this? Well, if you browse my pictures, they are the ones that I hold the most. They are the ones that are always in the pictures, repeatedly, and allowing me to hold them.

What else I realized and how I'm feeling lately, is a void.

A void of the love that others have from others. I'm great at giving love and I'm great at affection towards others, even willing to give affection and attention to others. I'm able to give away what I want so badly in my life. I'm able to notice that in reality all I really want is to come home or even wake up to someone that wants to hold me as much as I want to hold them.

I'm not missing anyone, for all those that have been in my life are just that - the past. They are not someone that I held onto nor did I hold onto when I allowed them to hold me in their lives. Looking back on my life, I was really never 'held'. I usually was the one in the position that needed to hold others, to help them through. Maybe that's why I don't recall the feeling of being held in someone's arms or with their love.

There's a song that's become quite popular lately and it's really hitting home for me:

Girl Crush

The reason it's hitting home so much, is not due to the fact that someone is with someone else in my life, it's more of the simple fact that I'm very envious of all of those that have someone that loves them as much as they love them. I'm very envious of those that get to welcome home their significant  other each night when they return from work or their last destination. I'm envious of how they have the chance to call that other person to share with them the last moments. I'm envious of how they are able to have a conversation, agree to disagree, and yet when they look at each other they know that it was just that - a conversation. 

You know, sometimes I wonder if I've really been in LOVE. Not that I've not LOVED others, however I'm not sure that I've ever experienced that true love from someone else, in a significant other position. That's what I would like to experience. I would love to experience LOVE.

People see me as a driven, determined and dedicated woman. They see me as courageous, confident and full of an energy that they'd love to share. They see me as someone that goes after all that she's ever dreamed of or ever wanted, when in reality, it's all I know. I only know to work harder or seek out whats in my reach or ever over the rainbow. Yet, what I really want ...

Is to know LOVE

There's a saying:

"Treat others as you'd love to be treated"

I'll bring you into my world, I'll welcome you into my home and heart, I'll hold you when you cry, I'll be there when you're lonely, I'll teach you all that I know and I'll never let you go through anything alone.

This is what I yearn for from someone else. My heart has been sad and lonely for this my entire life. This is labeled as my life long dream.

A dream for :

A HUG

A LOVE

A FULL HEART

You see, God has me and I know that no matter where I go or what I work towards, he'll never let me go and I know that he's there every moment of my life. However, it would be nice if he'd show up in a form of a human, who doesn't want to leave my side when the waves get rough or the waves become so amazing that he's there to pick me up when they crash again.

They also say that you are usually not given what you'd wish for because there's so much more being built for you. They say that you are suppose to learn to love yourself, then God will place those people in your life. They say that you are suppose to wait for the great. They say that good things happen to good people. They say alot of different things, which I grab ahold and I utilize every day of my life.

Yet, how long does one work on themselves and how long does one allow the yearning for that HUG to show up before they break ??

All I really want in my life, is that HUG, that LOVE, that one that wants me as much as I want them and that they are as excited to wake up together as much as I am.

Until this happens, I'll continue to love myself and my children. I'll continue to work on my dreams and my faith, as well as continuing on becoming a better person so that when they do show up, I'll be ready for nothing but the HUG of LOVE and be able to never take it for granted.

Not one single moment.