I like the larger, stronger balls....

Have you ever wondered if you were a person who fidgets? Yeah, me either…until one day:

There was a van full of us, I was driving, we were headed to an event where I had been asked to be the main speaker. Which for me, isn’t strange, however, it was a larger event. This time, for the first time in a long time, I was pretty nervous. I started to wonder why and then it hit me a few days prior to the event.

I was asked to share my experience, strength and hope and yet inside, I didn’t feel as though it was my time to share. For the audience that I had been requested to share in front of was incredibly full of a desire and motivation to live a different way of life and I did not think that I had a message of HOPE to send to them. For everything I had tried, prior to this up and coming business and my two children, seemed to have ‘failed’. What I hadn’t considered and looked at was what I had actually achieved and what I was sharing on was exactly what they were yearning in their lives. I had achieved self-confidence through a loving and spiritual program that allowed me to become the woman I had always wanted to be. The program had given me an opportunity to become a person I had only ever admired. The program had shown me how to gain courage and strength to make it through any obstacle placed in front of me. The life that was so unknown to me, I was now living. Which, if anything happened that night, other than that revelation, is nothing shy of a miracle.

“To live life without knowing who you are or growing into the person you’ve always wanted to become, is a life wasted.” ~LJY

I realized as I was driving, when someone pointed out that I had been messing around with some small balls, or otherwise known as fidgeting, that I may have always done that but in many other unhealthy ways. It started out when I was a baby, trying to find comfort, it came in the form of sucking my thumb.  Then my fidgeting habit changed into nail biting, then onto smoking and so many other horrible forms of fidgeting.  I’m 42 years young and  I have a fidgeting addiction…. Who knew? Probably everyone around me!! I’m always the last to know!!

I went to order the objects that I was fidgeting with, magnetic little 3MM balls…yes, balls. I’m now obsessed with fidgeting balls. Funny, right?? I think it is, especially since this marks the 10^th year of being single. However, I have a confession to make … boy I bet your mind is running mad. HA.

I ordered a size to small and weak!!

Do not fret. I have the right size now. Trust me, my larger and stronger balls go everywhere with me now and when they are not near, those around me notice.

Take time to listen to things others point out about you. They are not doing it to harm you. They are your little whispers telling to look inside and learn more about who you are. Instead of always looking at the world as though it is a negative vibe, turn it around into a positive one. For it is through those messages you can become MORE.

Here’s to learning more lessons and living an even fuller life!!! 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07BCBWCNS/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

#laughter #smile #Inspire

Hope is NOT Lost - I feel the Angel's Arms

As I drove the back country roads, as the day was coming to an end on this Friday, I look over and see a huge oak tree, with its beautiful branches all filled with amazing green leaves, gently swaying in the wind, as our hair was doing the same from the wind blowing through the van.

“Can you see yourself and the man you love, sitting under that tree? Enjoying the moment?” I say to my co-worker. She immediately, laughs and says: “In what world do you see that in?” I share with her, in my world.

My world consists of so much HOPE. It doesn’t stop with the HOPE. There’s so many blessings that I have experienced and witnessed that I know and absolutely believe, that there’s HOPE. In every dream, every thought, every feeling, that no matter what someone else believes or thinks, it is possible.

The tree …. Under that tree, the one that seems to appear randomly on my drives, I see myself sitting with an amazing man, who wants nothing but to be with me and only me, in that moment, enjoying nothing but the wonderful world that God created. Where there’s nothing in those moments but our love and desire to spend the rest of our lives together, enjoying each moment to its fullest. The kind of love, where when you don’t speak but you look at each other and you know, absolutely know, what each other are thinking and exactly how to act towards them. Only because you spent the time getting to know one another so well, that words no longer matter.

There comes a time in life, when you realize that it is not about the gifts or the material items that matter in life, it is the time that one gives to you. The time spent was not wasted. It was a gift. A gift that meant more than anything that can be ‘bought’ in this world.  For example, my ex-husband, gave me some of the most profound and wonderful ‘gifts’ of his time and moments I’ll never forget, nor do I want too. For you see, those moments, give me HOPE. Hope that it will happen again, and that it IS possible to have the ultimate love again. Those moments and others, with others that I cared deeply for, have given me a huge bucket of hope.

Hope that there will be someone to come up behind me, while I’m making breakfast, wrap their arms around my waist and whisper in my ear: “It looks and smells amazing, just like you!”

Hope that there will be someone that sees the pain in my eyes and doesn’t ask me what is the matter, they just put their arms around me and will hold me until I cry and say: “Thank you for loving me”

Hope that there will be someone there when I need an ear to vent too and nothing else, and all they do is say: “Is there anything you need?”

Hope that there will be someone to know when to run or come and when to call or not and when to make sure I feel wanted and needed and so on and so forth….

HOPE – All these moments that I experienced, felt and had smiles through, are very possible again. There is someone out there for everyone. I believe this. I know that my god didn’t leave us here to be alone and miserable. My god believes in the spirits and serenity that we all deserve to feel every day, all day that will wrap the angel’s arms around us and remind us that we are never alone. EVER.

I may have felt some of the most unbearable pain in this world, but I am here to tell you that you don’t need to lose HOPE. There is a god and that god, whoever or whatever it is that you believe in, will NOT leave you live in pain and misery. That is your choice. My god believes we are all to live in love and happiness.

You see, the happiness is already inside, it is up to us to allow someone the blessings to see that and enjoy it with us. We are in no way shape or form alone. God is good. All we need to do is believe.

I believe …. That anything, absolutely anything, is possible. I’m proving it as we speak, my world is constantly expanding and growing with the impossible and it is not about to slow down. I may not have the love of my life at my side, yet, but God is building him up so he can handle this independent, stubborn, outgoing, exciting, profound and exuberant woman that was created and continues to blossom and help her to grow into the woman she has always believed she could be.

Here is to HOPE and BELIEF.

We are NEVER ALONE.
We were meant to DREAM, FEEL and KNOW LOVE.

May you never give up and always chase your dreams!!!
Life won’t wait for you – go on and GRAB IT!!

#Romance #Love #Hope #Faith #NeverAlone #DoNotQuit #Believe

How important TRUE Honesty is to ME

As we speak, every day, all day long whether it's via messenger, phone calls or our short visits, you continue to open up to me and share with me all of you. You take all the doubts in my mind and throw them away. I don't have to ask you to do so, it's almost as though you know that it's possible that I'd ask you about the last few hours and instead you just simply share with me what you'd been doing. You back it up with pictures, posted without me knowing, cancelling out anything that I might question.

I don't know if you do it on purpose to prove that you are an honest person, or if it's simply who you are and you don't question it yourself. Although, it's important whether or not it's built into your soul and being. It's extremely important for me to know that you are what you indicate that you are. It's important to know that my trust isn't wasted on another individual.

My soul and trust has been through so much on my journey here on earth, that it's easy for doubt to set in. At times, it is even easier for the doubt to ride the negative wave and remember what happened, verses what is real. There's been people, men, that have hurt me over and over all my life. They've never given me a chance to trust them thoroughly. They've taken what I knew was comfort and turned it into a hell I don't particularly enjoy. They've thought that was their path to happiness, was also a path to a misery that I know all to well. With my temple and spirit knowing this path all so well, opening up becomes much harder and more sacred as the years go by.

As time passes, the risk of that hell surpasses the loneliness I meet each day. As the children grow and my dreams continue on,  it's incredibly hard to grasp the reality that each night as I lay my head down, I'm alone with my higher power and no one else to share it with. I sit in the darkness and wonder if I'll ever have a chance like others to share my day with someone, other then my teddy bear who lays there still and has no response to my tears. Sometimes, it's as simple as knowing that someone else is there to share the good, bad and ugly with, that makes me want to surpass the risk of the hell that may appear once again.

They say that if you don't ever take the chance to love, love will never find you.  They say that if you give up, you'll never know. They say that if you close the door and don't leave it open a sliver, nothing will ever get through. I don't want that - any of that. I don't want to leave this earth with out having known love again.

I like that you show me I'm on your mind.
I like knowing that you think of me through out the day.
I like knowing that you wonder what I mean when I say something you don't understand.
I like that you trust me with your daily redundancy.
I like that you let me know when you are upset, confused or happy.
I like that you pick on me.
I like that you are taking your time to get to know ME.
I like that you put me in my face, call me on my own shit and that you are not afraid to say it like it is
I like that you are just as stubborn as I am.
I like you... alot

As you drove back the other night, I sat there, thinking how great it felt to just be with someone who wanted to actually be with just me. It felt good to know that even if you aren't THAT into me, you at least like my company. Sometimes, I like to just sit and be... it's when I know that everything in that exact moment is just the way it's suppose to be and that no matter what nothing can take that moment from me, as it could end in the next. That's what those 20 minutes were. Moments that I enjoyed, captured and realized that I'm extremely fucking scared that it may end the next moment, but yet also engraving them into my soul. Engraving HOPE. Hope that the reality of not being alone forever, actually could happen and that the truth of the matter is....I have to let it.

I'm glad you drove that night, just like you said, sometimes I have to remember to get outta the drivers seat and let my higher power drive.

For what it's worth --thank you. Thank you for opening up your soul to me and to allow me to realize that there's still really good men out there and that it's possible to have one in my life. I'm grateful for you.